Articles by
Violet Matenapolis
Born Alma Greenwalt in Modesto, California Violet Matenapolis changed her first name after leaving home at the age of 17 to make her debut in Hollywood as a dancer. She fell into journalism by accident when her first husband, newspaper mogul Victor Matenapolis, discovered her scathing review of a play she had auditioned for scribbled on the back of a grocery list and put her to work. 5 years into their marriage, Victor was tragically killed in a freak accident while cleaning the tank of their beloved python, Stella. Her finger relentlessly on the pulse of what's hot in popular culture, Ms. Matenapolis spends the majority of her time hunched in the corner of any drinking establishment that offers "signature cocktails", feverishly hunting down stories from the darker recesses of the internet.
Earth News
Plastic Bag Ban Threatens Garbage Patch Vortex, Organizer Says
Angela Hansen organized the grassroots effort to save the Pacific Garbage Vortex Patch when she realized that the new ban would force local residents to bring their own paper or canvas bags while shopping.
Satire
Rise Gold Mine Announces Job Opportunities For County’s Homeless
Rise Gold has identified and devised a plan to solve the housing crunch and homelessness.
Local News
Locals and Flatlanders Face Off in a Competition for Shittiest Drivers
In another terse locals against flatlanders debate, the Nevada County Facebook community pages have been heating up over which faction is doing all of the shitty driving in the area, and now the online fracas has spilled into the streets.
Satire
Mohawk Dog Rescued From Evil Tasteless Owner
An area dog is recovering from what many are calling a tasteless act of cruelty.
Weird
Local Woman Doesn’t See Why She Should Shower Before Getting in the Pool Because “No One Else Does”
Area Woman Christine Wayfair is now in hot water with the Police following her protest at a local pool.
Commentary
Commentary: Who Do I Have to Blow to Get A Meal Delivered in this Town?
I would happily pay a delivery charge-hell, I’d even tolerate a long wait time if it meant I didn’t have to put on pants, set down my Manhattan, drag my ass downtown, put out my cigarette, and talk to people. I shouldn’t have to talk to people to eat.
Satire
Exclusive Covid Hospital for Unvaxxed Accepting Patients as Soon as Monday
The new COVID ward is scheduled to open its doors at the beginning of next week. There will be a ribbon-cutting ceremony.
Living
Gun Violence Caused by Assholes Not the Mentally Ill, Study Claims
A groundbreaking study reveals the true cause of gun violence.
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