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CNN Lightens 24-Hour Coverage of Civil Unrest with Footage of a Plane Crash

CNN, in a stroke of genius, has eased the emotional toll of nonstop civil unrest coverage by sprinkling in some good old-fashioned plane crashes. Viewers, who were teetering on the brink of despair, are now refreshed, grateful for the reminder that no matter how bad things get, at least they're not plummeting from the sky.

Trump Blames the Price of Eggs in Gaza on The Biden Administration

In a bewildering rally speech, Trump accused the Biden Administration of causing skyrocketing egg prices in Gaza, linking it to Big Mac inflation, leaving supporters and pundits scrambling to make sense of his global food economics.

Tim Hortons Installs Canadian Space Arm at Ottawa Location

Tim Hortons has unveiled a surprising new addition to its flagship Ottawa location: the Canadarm. Known for its crucial roles on the Space Shuttle and International Space Station, this iconic piece of Canadian engineering will now be serving coffee and donuts to delighted patrons. Dubbed the "Timbitsarm," this futuristic barista promises to bring a touch of zero-gravity magic to the everyday coffee experience, making morning routines in Ottawa more extraordinary than ever.

Metallica’s James Hetfield Celebrates a PhD in Astrophysics

Metallica heavy metal guitarist and lead singer James Hetfield announced on his personal Facebook page that he had just finished defending his PhD dissertation at California Institute of Technology in Pasadena (CalTech), CA

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