Living
Border Collies Deployed to Keep Chihuahuas Out
According to DHS, since Operation El Perro Loco secretly launched in March, after Congress refused to fund President Biden's border security bill.
Editorial
McDonald’s Bids Farewell to Epstein Island’s Last Golden Arches Amid Controversial Legacy
The McDonald’s on Epstein Island has shuttered its windows for good, marking the end of what the company now refers to as a "misguided adventure in international franchising." The closure comes amidst a whirlwind of controversy and a belated corporate acknowledgment that some locations, no matter how potentially profitable, are better left un-McTouched.
Art
Bombshell Uncovered: Hunter S. Thompson’s Lost ‘Dr. Strangelove’ Audition
A recently unearthed photograph has revealed the unimaginable: Hunter S. Thompson, king of gonzo journalism, once commandeered the captain’s seat of a B-52, not in the throes of a drug-fueled fantasy, but as a contender for the iconic role in Kubrick’s 'Dr. Strangelove.' The discovery challenges everything we thought we knew about the man who lived on the edge of American sanity.
Editorial
Economic Boomerang: Biden Throws Credit to Trump, Hits Obama, and Lands on Eisenhower
In a surreal twist of presidential one-upmanship, Biden credits Trump for economic highs, Trump tips his hat to Obama, and Obama sends a nod back to Eisenhower, turning the White House into a time-traveling hall of economic mirrors.
Food
Origins of Funky Smell at Sacramento Goodwill Yet to Be Found
The unmistakable funk wafting through the aisles of a local Goodwill has left shoppers wrinkling their noses in disgust and curiosity. Despite a thorough investigation, the source of the smell remains as elusive as a bargain in peak thrifting season.
Living
Holographic Kurt Cobain to Appear at 2024 CES in Las Vegas
After what people are calling the most successful and exciting Consumer Electronics Show (CES) in 2023, organizers of the yearly festival have announced that rock legend Kurt Cobain will close out the 2024 3-day event in holographic form sponsored by Samsung.
Art
Schindler’s List Mistakenly Chosen as the Comedy Institute’s ‘Greatest Laughs of the 20th Century’
The Comedy Institute, after realizing the error, issued a red-faced retraction and apology, attributing the mishap to a "catastrophic categorization calamity."
Commentary
Harvard President Claudine Gay resigns, citing conflicts with the artistic direction of pop icon Taylor Swift.
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