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How to Roast a Fucking Whole Chicken, by Loretta Splitair

Question: How do you scare a Millennial? Answer: Tell them s/he has to butcher a whole chicken. Now I'm not talking about going out to your coop, finding an asshole hen or rooster and cutting that animal's head off, followed by a plucking.

NFL Books King Diamond for Superbowl 52

Responding to outrage over Beyonce's halftime performance at Superbowl 50, officials at the National Football League (NFL) have stated their intent to host Danish heavy metal artist King Diamond at Superbowl 51.

Study: Minecraft Causes Autism

A 2 year study conducted by the Palo Alto, CA-based Rundex Family Foundation and sponsored by the Family Research Council (FRC) has determined that the popular childhood game Minecraft might cause Autism.

AC/DC Ties Axl Rose to Chair With Amazing Results [VIDEO]

AC/DC has found that restraining Axl Rose to a chair produced amazing results. According to stage hands back stage, Mr. Rose was not aware of the plot to restrain him to a chair until moments before the show began on Saturday night.

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