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New Study Finds Vegans Less Annoying Than Anti-Vegans

In a landmark study released today by the Pew Research Center in cooperation with the National Cattlemen's Beef Association, scientists have determined that proponents of the anti-vegan movement are several orders of magnitude more obnoxious than vegans.

Dove Releases Soap Dispenser Products For “Washing Your Asshole”

The United Kingdom-base Dove announced today a new line of soap dispenser products specifically designed to clean your butt hole. The new product, called Dove Real Clean, is targeted at the growing "anus grooming" market.

Area Delivery Man Unphased by Billionaire’s Deaths

Delivery man Jeff Hanks, busy delivering eccentric edibles to Marin County's wealthiest, remains unmoved by recent submersible disaster claiming five billionaires' lives. His main concern? The edibility of his forgotten sandwich. As billionaires met a deep-sea end, Hanks continues his rounds, tackling steep driveways and 'No Deliveries' signs.

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