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Alternative
How the Deep State Sabotaged the New Reagan Biopic Film, by Loretta Splitair
The new Reagan biopic has reportedly been sabotaged by the Deep State, a powerful force that has long suppressed films promoting conservative heroes. Linking its downfall to past movies like The Passion of the Christ and Sound of Freedom, this investigation reveals how the Deep State has meddled in everything from The Last Temptation of Christ to The Beatles’ sudden fall from grace.
National News
Trump Signs Several Tombstones at Arlington at Families’ Requests
During a visit to Arlington National Cemetery, Donald Trump reportedly signed several tombstones, claiming it was at the request of grieving families. His campaign insists the act was meant to honor the deceased, while critics accuse Trump of turning a sacred site into a campaign prop. The incident, involving Section 60, has sparked outrage and disbelief.
Chemtrails
RFK Jr. Claims to Have Smoked Chemtrails in the 1980s, Recalls “Totally Gnarly” Experience
RFK Jr. has made a shocking claim that he smoked chemtrails in the 1980s, adding to his growing list of bizarre confessions. From communicating telepathically with dolphins to convincing a bear cub he was its mother, his revelations leave the public both bewildered and amused. As he endorses Trump, it’s clear RFK Jr. is in a world all his own.
Editorial
How to Get People to Like You by Suing Them: A Step-by-Step Guide by Elon Musk
Elon Musk outlines his five-step method for making people like you by suing them. From asserting dominance with litigation to redefining free speech as agreeing with him, Musk’s guide explains how lawsuits can be an effective tool in building relationships, inspired by his own legal battles against advertisers who left his platform, X.
Editorial
Elon Musk Warns of Communist Takeover While Unveiling New Government-Subsidized Factory Expansion
At a Tesla Gigafactory expansion event in Austin, TX, funded by government grants and tax breaks, Elon Musk warned of a looming communist threat from Democrats, particularly Vice President Kamala Harris. Despite benefiting heavily from public funds, Musk condemned government interference while ironically expanding his empire with government support. Donald Trump chimed in, supporting Musk's crusade against this fictional "communist" scourge.
National News
JD Vance Connects with West Virginians By Wearing a Fentanyl Patch During Speech
During a speech in Huntington, WV, Senator JD Vance attempted to connect with locals by wearing a fentanyl patch to demonstrate empathy for the opioid crisis. The stunt backfired when Vance nodded off mid-sentence, leaving the audience bewildered. While some appreciated his commitment, others questioned his approach, wondering if he was addressing the problem or becoming part of it.
Alternative
Journey’s ‘Wheel in the Sky’ Reborn as Trump Rally Hymn
As news of the rewritten anthem spread, reactions were swift and varied. Journey fans, who have been riding the emotional rollercoaster of the band’s internal drama, were quick to express their outrage.
Living
Kamala Harris Announces Labradoodle Tax to Offset Service Workers Tip-Free Income
In a packed rally, Kamala Harris announced a new tax on Labradoodles to offset the tip tax cut for service workers. The crowd enthusiastically supported the tax, annoyed by Labradoodles and their owners' perceived elitism. Trump responded with a bizarre and barely coherent rant on Truth Social. While many support the tax, some Labradoodle owners are outraged, feeling unfairly targeted.
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