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Rally Turns Violent as Trump Announces that McDonald’s is Discontinuing the Chicken Big Mac

Donald Trump’s latest rally in Des Moines took a bizarre turn when he announced that McDonald’s would discontinue the Chicken Big Mac, sparking outrage among supporters. In a move as surreal as it was chaotic, Trump tossed sandwiches into the desperate crowd, framing McDonald’s decision as an “attack on freedom.” The crowd scrambled for every bite, chanting “Make Big Macs Great Again!”

Donald Trump Claims “Haitian” Squirrel Ripped Off His Other Ear

Former President Donald Trump claims a “Haitian” squirrel attacked him, supposedly radicalized by Peanut, the New York squirrel recently seized by wildlife authorities. Trump’s supporters insist Peanut is proof of an anti-Trump squirrel uprising, fueling rumors of a “squirrel defense force” at Mar-a-Lago. Trump vows to “protect America from radical rodents”—even as the alleged squirrel roams free.

Trump Touts MAGA’s “Real Strength” of Big Muscles, Tight Lycra, and Sweet, Sweaty Patriotism

Trump leaned into macho rhetoric, celebrating 'big, powerful American men' and 'real strength' in terms reminiscent of a wrestling promo. His vivid praise of MAGA muscles and sweaty patriotism left some fans exchanging glances, and social media in stitches over the homoerotic irony

Comedian Tony Hinchcliffe Officially Hits Rock Bottom as Babylon Bee’s Latest Hire

Comedian Tony Hinchcliffe, infamous for his provocative MSG act, has landed a new gig with the Babylon Bee. Known for anti-LGBTQ+ and controversial headlines, the Bee embraced Tony’s ‘fearless’ style. His arrival, however, is unsettling fans who enjoyed lighter jabs. With his ‘Project Humor’ initiative, the Bee’s satire plunges to tasteless new lows, and even die-hard followers are shocked.

Kamala Harris Dances for Climate Justice—And Promises Manitoba Will Pay for It

Kamala Harris combined environmental urgency with a surprise dance routine at a Scranton rally, promising a “wall around oil fields” and entertaining supporters with the “Kangaroo Rat Shuffle” as “YMCA” played.

Trump Tells Coachella “The Enemy Within” Is Really Just a Bucket of KFC

In a rally for the ages, Trump stuns the crowd with his wild confession: the true “enemy within” isn’t foreign powers or political foes—it’s a KFC Family Bucket, and let’s just say, the aftermath is deadly. Is this his most absurd speech yet? Click to find out how fried chicken and flatulence took center stage.

Ten Things You Can Do with All the Toilet Paper You’ve Hoarded

With the East Coast port strike resolved and no shortage of toilet paper in sight, many Americans are now stuck with a surplus of panic-bought TP. But don’t worry! From building cozy TP forts to crafting DIY wedding dresses, here are ten hilarious and creative ways to make the most of your toilet paper stash.

Haitian Cat Allegedly Eats Springfield Trump Supporter

In Springfield, OH, Mittens the cat is under investigation for allegedly eating a Trump supporter after a heated debate over the 2020 election results. Outrage is sweeping certain political circles, with claims of a Democrat-led conspiracy involving weaponized pets. Meanwhile, sane locals are tired of the media circus and wonder when people will start focusing on real issues—like potholes.

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