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Smoking While Pregnant Increases Child’s Risk Of Being An Asshole
The results have been published on the CDC website.
National News
Many Americans Still Unclear Where Honduras Is
A recent survey conducted by the non-partisan Rundex Family Foundation discovered that the overwhelming majority of Americans have no idea where Honduras is.
National News
Man Uses Facebook To Remind Others What July 4th Is About
Jesse Derpwitz is a landscaper in Alabama. He is a veteran of the US Army, where he served as a cook for the 4th Infantry Division, and every 4th of July, he gets increasingly angry that people use it as a long weekend instead of a time of remembrance.
National News
National Security Agency to Issue Press Releases in Haiku
In a surprise announcement, the National Security Agency or NSA will conduct and publish all Press Releases in Haiku according to Deputy NSA for Strategic Communications Ben Rhodes. The move appears to be an effort to make the oft-criticized security agency look hip, modern and less onerous with regards to personal liberty.
Local News
Porn Version of “Left Behind” Less Amusing Than Original
A pornographic version of the popular 2014 Christian end times film Left Behind ironically is less amusing than the film it sets out to mock.
Food
Trader Joe’s to Offer Child Adoptions
Trader Joe's, one of the largest privately held specialty grocery stores in the United States, has announced plans to offer child adoptions at select locations around California.
National News
Indy 500 Winner Alexander Rossi’s Car Powered by Hemp Oil
Following the stunning win of the Indianapolis 500, Alexander Rossi revealed the secret to his success: hemp oil. The 24 year old Nevada City, CA native said he's been using a hemp oil fuel mixture for over 2 years with great success.
Local News
Alt-Right Mascot, Pepe the Frog, Accidentally Eaten at Area Cafe
Pepe the Frog, beloved mascot of the alt-right movement, was inadvertently sauteed and consumed at Ike's Quarter Cafe in Nevada City yesterday afternoon. Pepe, whose avatar is used by many commenters on 4chan, Reddit, and Breitbart News, was sitting in the outdoor terraced dining area when he was approached by the busser, Tyler "Earbud" Fulcrum.
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