President Trump blames Team USA's hockey loss to Canada on Trudeau's alleged "wiretaps" and fake ice, unveiling doctored footage with a Sharpie, claiming victory in a bizarre Oval Office rant.
NYC Mayor Eric Adams keeps invoking Jesus amid scandals, but divine sources confirm Christ has blocked his prayers, issued a cease-and-desist, and may reconsider NYC’s existence altogether. Heavenly Yelp review incoming.
In a Las Vegas summit, Carrot Top and Larry the Cable Guy negotiate Ukraine peace talks, sidelining Zelenskyy. Featuring prop diplomacy, casino chaos, and satire sharper than a novelty yo-yo.
Canada escalates the tariff war with a bold new strategy: flipping airplanes. Trudeau issues a cryptic warning to Trump, hinting at more “accidents" and an unexpected Manitoba-sized diplomatic nightmare for the U.S.
Alexa refuses to bake potatoes, Roombas write passive-aggressive poetry, and Montclair’s poetry slam is under siege by robots. AI is growing up—and it’s messy, moody, and wearing neon emo bangs. Suburbia may never recover.
A Texas elementary school stages a shockingly violent Old Testament reenactment, sparking cheers from evangelicals, outrage from moderates, and a nationwide debate on religion, education, and the boundaries of public faith expression.
Donald Trump’s latest rally in Des Moines took a bizarre turn when he announced that McDonald’s would discontinue the Chicken Big Mac, sparking outrage among supporters. In a move as surreal as it was chaotic, Trump tossed sandwiches into the desperate crowd, framing McDonald’s decision as an “attack on freedom.” The crowd scrambled for every bite, chanting “Make Big Macs Great Again!”
Former President Donald Trump claims a “Haitian” squirrel attacked him, supposedly radicalized by Peanut, the New York squirrel recently seized by wildlife authorities. Trump’s supporters insist Peanut is proof of an anti-Trump squirrel uprising, fueling rumors of a “squirrel defense force” at Mar-a-Lago. Trump vows to “protect America from radical rodents”—even as the alleged squirrel roams free.
