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Trump Signs Several Tombstones at Arlington at Families’ Requests

During a visit to Arlington National Cemetery, Donald Trump reportedly signed several tombstones, claiming it was at the request of grieving families. His campaign insists the act was meant to honor the deceased, while critics accuse Trump of turning a sacred site into a campaign prop. The incident, involving Section 60, has sparked outrage and disbelief.

RFK Jr. Claims to Have Smoked Chemtrails in the 1980s, Recalls “Totally Gnarly” Experience

RFK Jr. has made a shocking claim that he smoked chemtrails in the 1980s, adding to his growing list of bizarre confessions. From communicating telepathically with dolphins to convincing a bear cub he was its mother, his revelations leave the public both bewildered and amused. As he endorses Trump, it’s clear RFK Jr. is in a world all his own.

How to Get People to Like You by Suing Them: A Step-by-Step Guide by Elon Musk

Elon Musk outlines his five-step method for making people like you by suing them. From asserting dominance with litigation to redefining free speech as agreeing with him, Musk’s guide explains how lawsuits can be an effective tool in building relationships, inspired by his own legal battles against advertisers who left his platform, X.

JD Vance Connects with West Virginians By Wearing a Fentanyl Patch During Speech

During a speech in Huntington, WV, Senator JD Vance attempted to connect with locals by wearing a fentanyl patch to demonstrate empathy for the opioid crisis. The stunt backfired when Vance nodded off mid-sentence, leaving the audience bewildered. While some appreciated his commitment, others questioned his approach, wondering if he was addressing the problem or becoming part of it.

Kamala Harris Announces Labradoodle Tax to Offset Service Workers Tip-Free Income

In a packed rally, Kamala Harris announced a new tax on Labradoodles to offset the tip tax cut for service workers. The crowd enthusiastically supported the tax, annoyed by Labradoodles and their owners' perceived elitism. Trump responded with a bizarre and barely coherent rant on Truth Social. While many support the tax, some Labradoodle owners are outraged, feeling unfairly targeted.

NASA Confirms Discovery of Parallel Universe Where People Still Care About MySpace

NASA, in collaboration with the Rundex Family Foundation, has discovered a parallel universe where MySpace remains the dominant social media platform. Chief Data Scientist Robert Colvin leads the investigation into this alternate reality, where users cherish MySpace's authenticity over algorithm-driven feeds. The discovery offers a glimpse into what our world might have been if MySpace had never faded.

Trump Tours Chemtrail Plane and Promises to Stop the Geoengineering Program

Former President Donald Trump inspected a chemtrail-equipped Boeing 767 at Andrews Air Force Base, vowing to dismantle the controversial program. Joined by Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene, Trump aims to redirect funds to infrastructure and his border wall. The plan faces significant hurdles, including Congressional approval and Senate resistance, but anti-chemtrail activists are cautiously optimistic.

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