Junk Drawer Won’t Open Despite Repeated & Forceful Attempts

Grass Valley, CA — resident and average guy Chip Day failed to open a “Junk Drawer” in his Morgan Ranch home despite repeated and forceful attempts to do so. Finally, after almost 15 minutes of forcefully pulling on the drawer, it failed to open. So naturally, Mr. Day was not happy about this development.

“This god-damned thing never opens,” said an irritated Mr. Day from his Grass Valley Home as he repeatedly yanked on the drawer handle. “What the hell is in here anyway?”

The great American junk drawer is a kind of household time capsule and a magnetic crap diary that draws all the odds and ends that have no other place in the household. So often, these drawers are chock full of so much crap. As a result, they fail to open reasonably, leading many people into mild fits of rage.

“I have no idea what’s in there, ” said Mr. Day as he stooped down to peer through the 3cm. crack he managed to pry open. “I think I see the scissors that my teenager said he ‘didn’t’ use. I also see a glue stick, three forks, a crescent wrench, and I look there[pointing with his finger]. There are tampons and a paperback book. And a blank DVD. Why is that in there?”

According to mental health experts and anthropologists, the contents of our Junk Drawers say a lot about what’s going on in the household.

“I snoop through people’s drawers, pantries, closets, and garages as part of my research,” says Kit Yarrow, a consumer psychologist at Golden State University, “and I can say without hesitation that the junk drawer is the most revealing place I can look.”

As for Chip Day, he says he’s not giving up.

“The whole reason I’m even looking in here in the first place is I’m looking for a screwdriver that my son said he put in here,” continued Mr. Day. “The ironic thing is I’m trying to fix another drawer in the kitchen. Once I get this open, I’m going to organize it.”