Battle Creek, MI— Vice President Kamala Harris drew an unprecedented crowd in this battleground state to unveil her “No Tax on Tips” program for service workers. To the delight of many and the horror of a few, Harris announced that this tax break would be offset by a brand-new tax on Labradoodles—a breed she described as “irritatingly overrepresented in coffee shops and social media feeds.”
As Harris stood on the podium, her voice booming through the stadium, she elaborated on why Labradoodles—specifically their owners—are the perfect targets for this new tax. “Let’s face it,” she said, “these fluffy status symbols are everywhere, shedding hypoallergenic fur while their owners boast about their ethical breeding practices. It’s time they paid their fair share.”
The crowd of over 20,0000 roared in approval.
“Finally!” shouted one attendee. “I’m sick of stepping over Labradoodles at every farmer’s market. Their owners act like they’re walking a golden unicorn, not a designer dog!”
Meanwhile, former President Donald Trump took to Truth Social to weigh in on the new tax. In a post that quickly went viral for its bizarre content, Trump wrote: “Kamala and her Labradoodle TAX—terrible idea. Dogs should be FREE, just like the people! Labradoodles, not so much. Maybe we need to tax the Labradoodles, but not the tips. Many people are saying it. Labradors, not Labradoodles! Big difference! Believe me!”
Outside the rally, supporters of the Labradoodle tax voiced their enthusiasm.
“This tax is long overdue,” said Martha Jenkins, a local resident. “Labradoodles and their owners think they’re better than everyone else because their dogs don’t shed and have Instagram accounts. I’m glad someone’s finally making them pay for it.”
Not everyone was pleased. Brianna Kensington, a college student and proud Labradoodle owner, expressed her outrage.
“This is blatant discrimination against people who care about hypoallergenic dogs! What’s next, a tax on reusable tote bags? I feel like I’m being targeted for my responsible lifestyle choices.”
As the rally concluded, Harris smiled, clearly pleased with the overwhelming support. The crowd’s chant of “Tax the doodles!” echoed through the night, signaling that Labradoodles—and their beleaguered owners—would be the unlikely focus of the next big political debate.
