North San Juan, CA — Area amateur weather enthusiasts recently made an astonishing discovery that has the science community scrambling for answers. A group of researchers from the remote Sierra Nevada Foothills community of North San Juan launched a P54-a3 high-altitude weather balloon late last week and discovered that the earth is curved like a taco.
“Yeah man,” said amateur researcher Skyy Wolford via a mobile phone from his off-the-grid North San Juan home. “My buddy Moonash got some money from his Dad and he just sold his Gran Torino. So I talked him into buying a Go Pro and this weather balloon to see if Earth is really flat. ‘Cause I’m tired of being called a ‘Flat-tard’ on Facebook just because I don’t trust NASA or the government.”
Mr. Wolford is not a scientist, nor does he have any scientific training. He did spend two semesters at Sierra Community College studying psychology until he decided “school was not right for him.” The 34-year-old retired to North San Juan to sell fake local crystals to Yuba River tourists that he sourced from Malaysia. Since then, Mr. Wolford has focused his attention on what he feels are the most pressing issues of the day: FEMA camps, the campaign to forcibly poison us with vaccinations, and of course chemtrails.
“I like to keep an open mind, you know,” continued Mr. Wolford. “I mean, I like to consider every possibility. I treat it all the same, that way I don’t miss anything. Which is why I think it’s totally possible that the Earth is flat. Well, ‘Ashes Go Pro has real evidence that the Earth is a taco. [chuckling] And who doesn’t like tacos?”
Just about every scientist on Earth, that is all but 3, believe that the Earth is a quasi-spherical ball hurling through space. However there are growing numbers of people who believe the Earth is flat. Mr. Wolford is one such person, although he describes himself as a “skeptic’s skeptic.”
“Like I said,” becoming somewhat agitated, “I treat all facts the same. And because of that, I have pictures of taco world. Do some research for yourself.”
According to his partner, Moonash of Allegheny, CA, he has no idea what Mr. Wolford is talking about.
“What? Heh, like what is Skyy talking about?” Questioned a confused Moonash out in front of North San Juan’s Sierra Super Stop where he attempts to hold a part-time job. “I mean like, it’s like Skyy made me buy all this shit man, and now I’m broke. He fucking pisses me off. [Editor’s note: there was a 27 second pause as Moonash stared blankly off into the distance]. So he says the Earth is a taco. I love tacos, brah. Not like Taco Bell crap, heh. But just about any other kind of taco.”
Mr. Wolford released his finding and photos to several pro-flat Earth Facebook groups, and is receiving hundreds of comments and likes. He plans to reach out to the mainstream media later this week, although he tells The Fazzler that he’s not optimistic about that.
“I gotta do it, but I don’t trust the corporate media,” said a resigned Mr. Wolford. “I’ve tried to contact the Sacramento stations, but they just ignore me, like they ignore the truth for everything else.”
