Nevada City, CA — Controversy arose after the Nevada City Farm-to-Table Commission (NCFTTC) announced that its next Commercial Street event would prominently feature Bigfoot meat. According to organizers Catlyn Hobblesnack and Hobble Catlynsnack (unrelated), this is the first year they plan on featuring exotic meats.
“For the longest time, we’ve wanted to serve something beyond the farm-to-table,” Hobblesnack commented on the menu. “We had cougar and bear scheduled for 2020, but COVID ruined all that. So now we have the chance to make a name for Nevada City by serving truly organic Bigfoot steaks. Of course, we must find one first, but we have leads in Alta Sierra.”
Enter Keith Bradenshauer of Alta Sierra, who swears he spotted Bigfoot last Saturday night along Norlene Drive on his way back from making a payment on his Check Cashing Service advance.
“I was driving with the wife and the kids when I looked over, and I saw this huge furry creature down at the pond at the corner of Lawrence,” said an exhausted Bradenshauer. “I slammed on the brakes causing everyone in the car to lunge forward. But the creature, I mean Bigfoot, didn’t move. He was standing there looking at a pine tree. Wild.”
Mr. Bradenshauer has been searching for Bigfoot for over 15 years since moving from his childhood town of Antioch, CA. As luck would have it, he thought he had hit paydirt late last week when he spotted an unusual creature on one of his 27 ‘critter cams’ located around Alta Sierra. It turns out his discovery was a moth. After that experience, Nevada County’s best-known cryptozoologist invested over $12,000 in alternative detection equipment. Since then, Mr. Bradenshauer has spotted nothing at all, that is until last Saturday.
“I think I can nab it for the farm-to-table thing,” continued Mr. Bradenshauer, who’s never fired a gun. “I have to go into my primordial hunter-gather mode. And, of course, tell the neighbors around Norlene that they might hear gunfire in the middle of the night.”
Upon hearing of Mr. Bradenshauer’s sightings, Hobblesnack and Catlynsnack grew hopeful.
“Well, it’s certainly good news for the event. But of course, we have reservations about sending an inexperienced hunter into a heavily populated neighborhood to shoot Bigfoot. But our farm-to-table event is about our local community’s sacrifices to put food on our tables. So it’s worth the risk.”
