Smoking While Pregnant Increases Child’s Risk Of Being An Asshole

Atlanta, GA — Smoking is among the most unhealthy habits that over 40 million Americans have. It can cause several different cancers and lung diseases. The most severe side effects come from women smoking while pregnant.

Dr. Ren Hoek of the CDC in Atlanta recently completed a 15-year study on children who had mothers who smoked while pregnant. Dr. Hoek spoke to The Fazzler about his results.

“The study showed a disturbing trend. 18 out of the 20 kids studied have turned into assholes”, said Dr. Hoek. “I mean serious assholes. For example, the girls wear thick make-up showing their bodies while the boys cannot wear their pants above their knees!”

Misty Reynold is the oldest child in the study, recently turning 18. She spoke to The Fazzler, giving her thoughts on the study.

“Whatever, I mean, so what if I show off my body? I’m 250lbs of sexy!” said Misty. “I turned out just fine, and so did my babies. I smoked through their pregnancy. Shut up, you little jerks! (yelling at her kids), whatever, Hoek is full of shit!”

The results have been published on the CDC website, and the results of smoking while pregnant are severe. Severe assholes.

Cleveland Sam
Cleveland Sam
Cleveland Sam, born Sam C. Sharpe, is a hero, a hero to anyone who knows him in Ohio. At the mere age of 7, he rescued a small girl from the clutches of a herd of llamas outside his boyhood home of Cleveland, OH. By the age of 12, he had already rescued over 14 children from near deaths ranging from freak ice cream truck accidents, to drownings in neighbors' Dough Boy Pools. But his heroism didn't stop at youth. No sir. As a teenager, he saved the entire cheerleading squad of his local high school from certain death with their "party van" caught fire during a local "rager." He writes for Gish Gallop because he feels he needs to rescue it. He's probably correct.

More from author

Related posts

Advertisment

Latest posts

Tim Hortons Installs Canadian Space Arm at Ottawa Location

Tim Hortons has unveiled a surprising new addition to its flagship Ottawa location: the Canadarm. Known for its crucial roles on the Space Shuttle and International Space Station, this iconic piece of Canadian engineering will now be serving coffee and donuts to delighted patrons. Dubbed the "Timbitsarm," this futuristic barista promises to bring a touch of zero-gravity magic to the everyday coffee experience, making morning routines in Ottawa more extraordinary than ever.

Louisiana Teacher Under Fire for Posting 10 Commandments in Pig Latin

History teacher Bernie Carver stirred controversy by displaying the Ten Commandments in Pig Latin, provoking ire from conservative parents. Earl "Big Earl" LeJeune fumed, "This is part of a larger conspiracy. Next, they'll be speaking French! And you know what they say about French – it's the language of the devil!"