Smoking While Pregnant Increases Child’s Risk Of Being An Asshole

Atlanta, GA — Smoking is among the most unhealthy habits that over 40 million Americans have. It can cause several different cancers and lung diseases. The most severe side effects come from women smoking while pregnant.

Dr. Ren Hoek of the CDC in Atlanta recently completed a 15-year study on children who had mothers who smoked while pregnant. Dr. Hoek spoke to The Fazzler about his results.

“The study showed a disturbing trend. 18 out of the 20 kids studied have turned into assholes”, said Dr. Hoek. “I mean serious assholes. For example, the girls wear thick make-up showing their bodies while the boys cannot wear their pants above their knees!”

Misty Reynold is the oldest child in the study, recently turning 18. She spoke to The Fazzler, giving her thoughts on the study.

“Whatever, I mean, so what if I show off my body? I’m 250lbs of sexy!” said Misty. “I turned out just fine, and so did my babies. I smoked through their pregnancy. Shut up, you little jerks! (yelling at her kids), whatever, Hoek is full of shit!”

The results have been published on the CDC website, and the results of smoking while pregnant are severe. Severe assholes.

Cleveland Sam
Cleveland Sam
Cleveland Sam, born Sam C. Sharpe, is a hero, a hero to anyone who knows him in Ohio. At the mere age of 7, he rescued a small girl from the clutches of a herd of llamas outside his boyhood home of Cleveland, OH. By the age of 12, he had already rescued over 14 children from near deaths ranging from freak ice cream truck accidents, to drownings in neighbors' Dough Boy Pools. But his heroism didn't stop at youth. No sir. As a teenager, he saved the entire cheerleading squad of his local high school from certain death with their "party van" caught fire during a local "rager." He writes for Gish Gallop because he feels he needs to rescue it. He's probably correct.

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