Washington, D.C. — Former President Trump casually mentioned that he plans on shooting “somebody” on New York City’s Fifth Avenue in honor of Martin Luther King Day later this month. The comments, sandwiched between questions about border security and the Mueller investigation, caught the press corp off guard.
“The former President just slipped that crazy comment in,” said CNN chief White House correspondent Kaitlan Collins speaking to Wolf Blitzer. “I had just finished asking him about compromising with the FBI on numerous investigations. He said he planned to shoot several people on Fifth Avenue because ‘he was the President.’ He also said he planned on ‘shooting people from each race’ to prove he was ‘fair, racially speaking. They’re all janitors anyway.'”
Following his comments, a Mar-a-Lago spokesperson released a memo confirming that President Trump was planning on shooting “several people” on his upcoming trip to New York City to celebrate Martin Luther King Day and that nothing would come of it.
“The President has been doing this for years, and no one has cared until he became President,” said former Press Secretary Sarah Sanders on Fox News. “The President is a man who does what he says. And when he told America he could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody and not lose any voters, he meant it. Just like how Mexico will pay for this border wall out of the tax revenues of Americans.”
When asked why Mr. Trump chose Martin Luther King day, Ms. Sanders beamed.
“Because that’s the day he’s always done it. It’s at the end of the month, and he’s used to doing it out in front of his rental properties to remind tenants to pay their rent on time.”
It’s unclear what weapon the President will use this year. In the past, he’s used a 9mm handgun, which interestingly is illegal in New York City. People close to Trump say he might choose more massive and more powerful weapons like an M1 Tank or maybe even one of “his” new “invisible” F-35 fighter jets.
