Weird Al Beaten and Arrested in Mueller Probe

Los Angeles, CA — In a shocking new development in Robert Mueller’s special counsel investigation, musical humorist and satirist “Weird Al” Yankovic was arrested at his Los Angeles-area home early this morning. A spokesperson for the famed artist says that he’s been indicted under suspicion of providing “polka aid” and comfort to many involved in the ongoing Russia investigation.

Following the arrest, the FBI released a statement regarding the incident.

“At 5:45am this morning, the FBI, in concert with Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA), raided Mr. Yankovic’s home searching for 27 accordions, lyrics and recordings of interest to the Mueller investigation,” said FBI spokesperson Bethany Millbright. “Mr. Yankovic has been charged with a little-known but important statute called “Aiding and Abetting Musical Tastes of Foreign Entities” in USC Section 18. The provision was passed as a part of the Patriot Act in 2001 and renewed in subsequent reviews.”

Prosecutors offered no details of the funny man’s incarceration, but did provide a heavily redacted court papers which ironically seemed to be a parody of recent Paul Manafort and Roger Stone indictments.

“We can’t offer any additional details regarding Mr. Yankovic’s case, other than what’s already been provided by the Special Counsel,” said Los Angeles assistant District Attorney Jeffry Able speaking shortly after Mr. Yankovic’s release on $27,000 bond. “Obviously this is a concern and a shock to everyone. I’ve been a life long Weird Al fan, and on a personal note, this one stings.”

Released On Bail

Weird Al was released on bail and said he was as shocked as anyone when the authorities pounded on his door early this AM. After being released from federal detention center in downtown Los Angeles, he spoke with reporters regarding his ordeal.

“I suppose I had my rock star fantasies while I was singing into my hairbrush in the bathroom mirror, but I never really consciously said, ‘OK, this is what I’m going to do for a living and I’m going to be Weird Al,'” said Mr. Yankovic. “But never this. But I gotta tell you, this ain’t stopping me. This is just another chapter in my life. More grist for the mill.”

Weird Al’s arraignment is next week. In a highly irregular move, insiders familiar with the case say the presiding Judge requested that Mr. Yankovic perform a small set on his accordion prior to entering a plea. It is unclear if his performance will help or hinder his case.