Living
4 Ways the Homeless Are Taking Your Jobs
While jobs are on a ridiculously steady incline, due to Trump's threats against Puerto Rico, the homeless have been taking your jobs and votes, all the while teaching illegal aliens to do the same.
Living
Several Dead After a Good Guy With a Gun Sleeps In
In a shocking turn of events, the renowned local hero and self-proclaimed "good guy with a gun" dozed off during a pivotal moment, leaving several dead and a community in disbelief. While residents trusted their fate to this armed vigilante, he dreamed of a world where every citizen must holster a firearm—even napping citizens, ensuring there's always a backup "good guy" on standby.
Art
Adam Sandler Makes Comeback in a New Paramount Pictures Release
Paramount Pictures is betting on Adam Sandler in their upcoming film The Pizza Delivery Guy.
Living
Police Sue Woman for Blocking Tear Gas with Her Face
A woman in a coma is being sued by Texas Police for interfering with their peacemaking operations.
Living
Biden Offers Laid Off Coal Workers Betamax VCRs
The President's critics say this is another example of him being out of touch with average Americans.
Food
Trump Suggests For New Tariffs On Orange Chicken
Trump casually mentioned that he was considering a sizable tariff on Orange Chicken.
Living
Apple To Replace Siri With Jeff Goldblum
According to engineering in Cupertino, CA company, they're abandoning the entire Siri framework and replacing it with a facsimile of Jeff Goldblum who famously led Apple's comeback marketing campaign in the late 1990s.
Living
Hedge Fund Manager Willing to Let Others Die for Capitalism
Wall Street capitalists have no problem with other people dying to preserve their lifestyle.
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