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4 Ways the Homeless Are Taking Your Jobs

While jobs are on a ridiculously steady incline, due to Trump's threats against Puerto Rico, the homeless have been taking your jobs and votes, all the while teaching illegal aliens to do the same.

Several Dead After a Good Guy With a Gun Sleeps In

In a shocking turn of events, the renowned local hero and self-proclaimed "good guy with a gun" dozed off during a pivotal moment, leaving several dead and a community in disbelief. While residents trusted their fate to this armed vigilante, he dreamed of a world where every citizen must holster a firearm—even napping citizens, ensuring there's always a backup "good guy" on standby.

Apple To Replace Siri With Jeff Goldblum

According to engineering in Cupertino, CA company, they're abandoning the entire Siri framework and replacing it with a facsimile of Jeff Goldblum who famously led Apple's comeback marketing campaign in the late 1990s.

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