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Starbucks Brewing Up New Coffee Colonic Service

In a bid to stay relevant and to "keep ahead of the competitive coffee curve," Starbucksâ„¢ Corporation announced this week that it plans to augment its extensive line of coffee, teas and snacks with a new colonic/enema health care option.

McDonald’s Fires Ronald McDonald Amid Creepy Clown Epidemic

McDonald's has issued a statement confirming the reason for scrubbing Ronald McDonald from their website and his merchandise from their online store: "the longtime franchise mascot is no longer under contract with the company."

Lack of Harmony Hurting GOP’s Three Tenors

An eminent PhD has concluded that the Republican party lacks proper harmony and has horrific timing. Mr. Webb has studied rhythm and taught harmony for over 47 years after getting his masters at BYU and completing his doctorate at Juilliard.

Cop Shoots Legless, Armless, Deaf, Mute, and Gassy Man During Traffic Stop

The sheriff's department in a small North Carolina county are currently investigating the chain events that led to one of their officers shooting a deaf and mute man who also had no legs or arms.

Education Still Not Militarized Enough, Study Warns

A new study has revealed that college graduates haven't had enough exposure to business technologies and principles to prepare them for the soul-crushing, back-biting corporate workplace.

“Oh No!” Kool-Aid Man Arrested for Drunken Rampage

The beloved Kool-Aid Man mascot has fallen on hard times, culminating in a drunken rampage that caused significant property damage and left residents bewildered.

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