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Canadians Weigh In: Ted Cruz Plummets in Canadian Polls

While he is wildly popular in the USA, Senator Ted Cruz's popularity is plummeting in many Canadian polls. Ted Cruz is running for President of the United States, despite being a Canadian.

The Walking Dead Season 7 to Feature Adam Sandler as Rick

“Yeah, we've written this entire season, front to back, and Rick Grimes is a MAJOR part of the unfolding plot, we aren't going to wait for Mr. Lincoln,” states a very angry Robert Kirkman. “I have no choice but to sub somebody in to fill the role. After many, many auditions I am sad to say that only Adam Sandler could really play a convincing Rick Grimes.

Priest Blames Fluoride In Water For Pedophilia

Monsignor William Lynn, who has been in and out of prison for hiding evidence linked to priest pedophilia, says Father O'Brien's condition might be due to fluoride in tap water.

Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel Outlaws Gun Violence

In a bold move Mayor Rahm Emanuel has decided to make gun violence illegal in Chicago. Anyone found guilty of shooting will receive harsher sentences, including a "serious timeout" according to Emanuel.

Area Musician Draws Inspiration from Chemtrails

Area musician David Robock used to cite an eclectic mix of influences while he was still cutting his teeth on the local club circuit. Bands like Megadeth, Smashing Pumpkins, and solo artists like Prince and Merle Haggard were a constant source of inspiration.

Delta Offers Ann Coulter Free Lifetime Irrevocable Seat on Plane’s Wing

Conservative firebrand Ann Coulter took to Twitter in an absolute rage over the weekend after an incident on a Delta Airlines flight she was on. Coulter began tweeting berating, angry messages at Delta’s official Twitter account after she was asked to relocate to a different seat to accommodate another passenger.

Nickelback To Open For United States Leg of AC/DC Tour

Rock legends AC/DC are planning a winter tour that will kick off November 23rd in Portland, OR. The will feature the band with special guest appearances by Guns N Roses front man Axel Rose. To open the concerts AC/DC has tapped rock band Nickelback to perform.

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