National News

Rock legends AC/DC are planning a winter tour that will kick off November 23rd in Portland, OR. The will feature the band with special guest appearances by Guns N Roses front man Axel Rose. To open the concerts AC/DC has tapped rock band Nickelback to perform.

In a tragic attack, satire/fake news writer Cleveland Sam was hit by an SUV driven by former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton.

A study conducted by the Palo Alto-based Rundex Family Foundation has concluded that regular cell phone use makes you happier. The 3 year study, titled "Effects of Cell Phone Radio Frequency Signal Exposure on Brain Glucose Metabolism," was conducted by Rundex with funding from the Centers for Disease Control and found that using using a mobile phone as little as 50 minutes per day increases brain glucose metabolism by as much as 26%, which contributed to increased happiness.

The far-right newspaper The Epoch Times has purchases the French-reactionary publication the Babylon Bee.

The McDonald's corporation announced late this week that it plans on teaming up with Philip Morris International to create a "synergistic play between both companies" by labeling the popular children's Happy Mealâ„¢ with select cigarette brands.

Irish music artist Sinead O'Connor, known for her hit 1990 arrangement of the Prince song "Nothing Compares 2 U," has come out against transgender people.

A controversial plan to roll-out what conservative critics are calling "Abortion Vans" by the the women's service organization Planned Parenthood is raising eyebrows across the country.

After months of deliberation following an extensive study from the Rundex Family Foundation, in a stunning announcement, Adobe Systems has decided to remove the Impact Font from all of its product offerings.