National News

The American Medicinal Association has just made a stunning and likely world-changing announcement -- AIDS and cancer have both been simultaneously cured forever. Stunningly, the AMAA says that it wasn't the communal efforts of medical research funded largely by taxes that went to various research universities and private labs, but the American free-market capitalist economy that "magically" cured them, according to a press release

Conspiracy theorist and chili aficionado Alex Jones announced this week that he plans on suing his own quotes. Early this week, Greek yogurt giant Chobani filed a lawsuit against the right-wing radio host, accusing him of publishing false information about the company.

The Fox News Facebook Channel is reporting that actor Barry Williams, who played Greg Brady on the popular 1970s television show The Brady Bunch was shot and injured by Santa Barbara police after a high-speed chase.

Whisker Bottoms describes himself as a "social progressive" and "fiscal moderate" and he really enjoys discussing and reading about politics, especially when Mr. Gibson, who is the patriarchal head of the house Whisker Bottoms lives in, lines his litter box with the politics sections of various newspapers.

Speaking from Calgary, Senator Ted Cruz arbitrarily declared that gravity is oppressing our religious freedoms.

The Chemtrail Action Network (CAN) announced the first ever traveling Chemtrail Film Festival coming to Nevada City, CA this January. The film festival will be making its first stop in the secluded Sierra Nevada Foothills town for a 4 day run starting on the 14th of August and running until 18th.

In his typical bold, trend-setting movie making style, director Quentin Tarantino has announced that his new The Incredible Hulk will feature a woman in the starring role.

The high horses are specially trained to whinny loudly whenever someone tries to talk to their rider.