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Biden and Trump Agree to Debate at Fort Wayne Sizzler
In an unprecedented political move, Joe Biden and Donald Trump will hold their next debate at Fort Wayne's Sizzler, amidst the nostalgic décor of the 1970s. As Biden articulates his points, Trump, embodying the informal setting, casually reaches for a snack from the iconic salad bar—a visual metaphor for the unexpected and unconventional nature of this political showdown.
Satire
Joe Biden Dons New ‘Fro Look’ to Court African American Voters
In a bewildering bid to win African American votes, President Joe Biden sported an afro at a rally in Atlanta, sparking mixed reactions and a social media frenzy over his outlandish new look.
Living
Border Collies Deployed to Keep Chihuahuas Out
According to DHS, since Operation El Perro Loco secretly launched in March, after Congress refused to fund President Biden's border security bill.
National News
Alabama Supreme Court Rules God is Real/Citizens Must Obey
In an 8-1 decision, the Alabama Supreme Courte ruled that all citizens must obey the word of God.
Editorial
Economic Boomerang: Biden Throws Credit to Trump, Hits Obama, and Lands on Eisenhower
In a surreal twist of presidential one-upmanship, Biden credits Trump for economic highs, Trump tips his hat to Obama, and Obama sends a nod back to Eisenhower, turning the White House into a time-traveling hall of economic mirrors.
National News
McCarthy’s Career Vibrates to a Halt Amidst Bakersfield Buzz
Bakersfield, CA resident Jasper Caldwell uncovered a massive collection of antique vibrators in a forgotten storage unit, previously owned by Kevin McCarthy. Photos found amidst the collection have tied the former Speaker to the scandalous discovery, sending shockwaves through the community.
Living
Holographic Kurt Cobain to Appear at 2024 CES in Las Vegas
After what people are calling the most successful and exciting Consumer Electronics Show (CES) in 2023, organizers of the yearly festival have announced that rock legend Kurt Cobain will close out the 2024 3-day event in holographic form sponsored by Samsung.
Commentary
Harvard President Claudine Gay resigns, citing conflicts with the artistic direction of pop icon Taylor Swift.
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