Alternative
Inside Elon Musk’s Bid to Buy the Roman Colosseum and Move it to Texas
Elon Musk's audacious plan to relocate the Roman Colosseum to Austin, Texas, transforming it into a modern sports arena with fast food chains, creating a unique fusion of ancient history and American consumer culture.
National News
Cotton Bowl Changes to Lycra Bowl, Bowing to Pressure from Conservatives
The iconic Cotton Bowl has officially rebranded itself as the 'Lycra Bowl.' This bold move reflects the evolving landscape of cultural sensitivity and corporate branding in American sports. The renaming has ignited a mix of reactions, with some applauding the progressive shift while others lament the loss of tradition. The decision, sparked by a tweet from actor Kevin Sorbo, underscores the growing trend of sports institutions adapting to societal changes. Renaming the Cotton Bowl to the Lycra Bowl is not just about a change in fabric but a symbolic gesture towards inclusivity and modern values in sports.
National News
CNN’s Dana Bash Still in Sibling Fight Over Childhood Big Wheel
Esteemed CNN Chief Political Correspondent Dana Bash admitted this morning that she is still struggling with her brother over a Big Wheel he received when they were children.
Commentary
Babylon Bee Identifies as Satire, Much Like Columbus Uncovering a Populated America
The Babylon Bee, in a display of wit akin to a drowsy opossum, has recently grasped the notion that it is, in fact, a "satire" site. This epiphany permits them to persist in producing offensive content, hidden safely behind the veil of humor. Reminiscent of bigots from yesteryear who found humor in the plight of vulnerable communities, the Bee wields humor as a weapon instead of a tool for enlightenment, further entrenching prejudices in today's quarrelsome media environment.
Satire
Football Hooligans Form Truce, Have Friendly Game of Trench Warfare Instead
The truce that Clarkson proposed harkens back to The Christmas Truce, a ceasefire between British and German troops during World War 1.
Earth News
Container Load of Sex Toys Wash Up on Alameda Shorefront
The accident underscores supply and distribution chain issues that keep economic growth flaccid.
Sports
NBA Player Calls Timeout To Pray Towards Mecca
Recent Islam convert and seldom played point guard Nadeem el-Rasheed interrupted a recent playoff game with a prayer timeout.
Satire
Newest UFC ‘Welterweight’ Trained by Only Watching TikTok Videos
Despite his unusual technique, Burntliver was determined to build a reputation for himself in the sport and become a champion.
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