Living
South Carolina’s “Giraffe King” Creates World’s First Compact Giraffes
In Fair Play, South Carolina, eccentric Bobby Lee Jenkins astounds the world with his peculiar creation: short-necked giraffes. These whimsical creatures, Dolly, Molly, and Wally, blur the line between genius and madness, while townsfolk marvel at the spectacle. A curious tale of ambition and animal husbandry unfolds in this quaint Southern township.
National News
CNN’s Dana Bash Still in Sibling Fight Over Childhood Big Wheel
Esteemed CNN Chief Political Correspondent Dana Bash admitted this morning that she is still struggling with her brother over a Big Wheel he received when they were children.
Alternative
Nostradamus Predicted Elon Musk’s Rise, Lost Quatrain Reveals
A long-lost Nostradamus quatrain has surfaced, appearing to predict the rise of visionary entrepreneur Elon Musk, the force behind Tesla, SpaceX, and SolarCity. The quatrain, part of the previously undiscovered Centurie XII, Quatrain 87, references Musk's privileged upbringing, his father's emerald mine, and his groundbreaking ventures. As scholars race to verify its authenticity, this enigmatic prophecy has rekindled interest in the 16th-century seer and his cryptic foresight.
Satire
Grass Valley Graffiti Obviously Done By Local Dumbasses
The local police are asking for any grammatically-correct information.
Satire
Man Who Says He’s Moving From “High Tax” California is Still Here
Michael “Mike” Zeller, a working white guy from Southern California, has regaled his co-workers and family with his dream of moving from “high-tax” California to Texas for over 13 years.
Satire
Yubanet.com Sues Tubanet.com For Unspecified Damages
After several cease and desist attempts, the local publication felt it had no other recourse but to sue.
Satire
White Castle’s Name Change Sparks Controversy
The change is expected to take up to one year, according to company officials.
Alternative
A large pro-Trump armada was humiliated when the ANTIFA Navy sunk several of its ships.
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