Goodwill Denies Reselling Dog Shit in Plastic Bags

Rockville, MD — Goodwill Industries denied that it resold dog waste in several of its San Francisco Bay Area stores. What many thought was just another Internet-spawned prank turned into a serious health issue as several shoppers reported seeing baggies of dog shit in several Goodwill stores over the weekend.

“Look here, I was in the Geary Goodwill on Saturday, and there were several bags of dogshit on the shelves,” said Deyadria Pitts, a long-time San Francisco native speaking of her experience over the weekend. “they all looked like those pooper-scooper bags, you know? The kind people use in the parks with their dogs. Except they were sellin’ them for $1.99 each in the kitchen section.”

According to Ms. Pitts, there were over ten baggies of dog shit clumsily arranged next to the used silverware.

“It was like someone at Goodwill just picked the shit off the street and brought them into the store,” said Oakland resident Romain Greene.

A Goodwill press release stated that the company knew nothing about the baggies of dog feces and that the prank was coordinated by “anti-Goodwill activists who wished to harm the company’s efforts.”

“I dunno about that,” continued Ms. Pitts, commenting on the Goodwill press release. “I wouldn’t put it past them to bag up dog shit and sell it. And I bet there’s someone out there who will buy it.”

The prank impacted over 12 locations in the greater San Francisco Bay Area. No one has claimed responsibility for the actions. As of this morning, all baggies have been removed from Goodwill stores that were impacted.

Roy Riffle
Roy Rifflehttps://www.facebook.com/roy.riffle.5
Our youngest columnist, Roy Riffle gained fortune, though not necessarily fame, when at 9 years old he coined the phrase "Obey Your Thirst". Some of his smugness stems from "having read the bible and understanding the metaphors." Roy is currently the only Millennial on Gish Gallop payroll. And hopefully the last.

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