Indy 500 Winner Alexander Rossi’s Car Powered by Hemp Oil

Alexander Rossi's winning vehicle.
Alexander Rossi’s winning vehicle.

Indianapolis, IN — Following the stunning win of the Indianapolis 500,  Alexander Rossi revealed the secret to his success: hemp oil. The 24-year-old Nevada City, CA  native said he’s been using a hemp oil fuel mixture for over 2 years with great success.

“We’ve been using it for almost two years,” said a glowing Mr. Rossi during an interview this week. “We get it from the North San Juan Ridge and this stuff has been magic.”

According to race car insiders, the hemp oil mixture can provide an additional 197 horsepower per gallon of fuel. Few seem to know about this magic elixir, but Mr. Rossi isn’t into keeping secrets.

“Look, this stuff is great,” continued Mr. Rossi. “And I have a special supplier, so I’m not too worried about losing ground to the competition. I will tell you one thing, though. The sativa is what you want. The indica oil actually subtracts power, but has a smoother ride.”

It’s unclear at the time of this writing whether other drivers will embrace what is now being called the “Rossi Revolution,” but given his tremendous win, it’s hard to believe that others won’t be adopting his new fuel mixture.

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein
Randall 'fink' Finkelsteinhttps://www.broadstreetbeacon.com
Fink is a man of many words, and many web links. He likes to argue and seldom loses. Mostly because he’s well informed. And somewhat gassy.

More from author

2 COMMENTS

Related posts

Advertisment

Latest posts

Ten Things You Can Do with All the Toilet Paper You’ve Hoarded

With the East Coast port strike resolved and no shortage of toilet paper in sight, many Americans are now stuck with a surplus of panic-bought TP. But don’t worry! From building cozy TP forts to crafting DIY wedding dresses, here are ten hilarious and creative ways to make the most of your toilet paper stash.

Trump Promises to Make ‘Mr. Twitter’ Press Secretary if Elected

In true Trump fashion, he’s shaking up the White House again, this time by replacing the press secretary with Twitter! Or as Trump calls it, “Mr. Twitter" in his quest for “government efficiency,” Trump’s next big idea involves tweets, emojis, and Musk’s downsizing magic.

Iranian Leadership’s Sony PlayStations Reportedly Exploding

Iranian officials’ PlayStations are reportedly exploding, leaving the ruling class grappling with a new “crisis” while citizens endure far worse hardships. Whether it's Israeli sabotage or just bad wiring, the explosions highlight the absurd disparity between the elite and everyday Iranians. Spoiler: most Iranians don’t even know what a PlayStation 5 is.