Republicans Angry as God Identifies as Omnisexual

Mesa, AZ — The Arizona Republican party, in conjunction with central committees in North Carolina, Illinois, and Louisiana, has censured the Almighty God to reveal that they are not affiliated with any specific gender.

“Clearly, God has been reading Liberal college pamphlets,” said Arizona Republican central committee spokesperson Karen Prudence. “We are required to be compassionate and forgiving, and the Bible teaches us. But even the good Lord above can stray from the narrow path of righteousness. And it’s our duty to call that out with censure.”

Following the impeachment and subsequent acquittal of former President Donald Trump, seven Republican senators joined all Democrats to find the former president guilty of inciting an insurrection against the U.S. Capitol on January 6, several states Republican parties censured their votes. It’s unclear what the state GOP parties think will come of such toothless actions, usually reserved for such egregious violations as using the wrong letterhead stationary.

“It’s one of the tools we have to keep our elected representatives in line,” continued Ms. Prudence. “We found it effective in drawing attention to our wayward representatives and senators, so we thought we’d give a try with God-given that he’s suddenly against Trump and siding with the liberals.”

Ben Shapiro, a popular, fast-talking conservative pundit, joined his reactionary voice to the chorus of angry Republicans and dissenting Christians (Shapiro is an Orthodox Jew.)

“The Left’s theories on gender are complete non-sense. I’ve said so as many 14,435 times on my show and in my books. You can look it up. The science isn’t there. But it’s clear that someone from the Left has gotten God’s ear, and he needs to understand that this is scientifically impossible for him to be one or more or even no gender.”

Other more pressing questions, according to Mr. Shapiro and his supporters, need answers.

“Think about it for a second,” continued Shapiro. “Which restroom is God going to use, and what example would that set for our children. And imagine God competing on at track events. It would be totally unfair.”

God didn’t return multiple requests for comment.