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Roy Riffle

Our youngest columnist, Roy Riffle gained fortune, though not necessarily fame, when at 9 years old he coined the phrase "Obey Your Thirst". Some of his smugness stems from "having read the bible and understanding the metaphors." Roy is currently the only Millennial on Gish Gallop payroll. And hopefully the last.
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Living

“Come Back Into the Office,” Says CEO Who Doesn’t Know Your Name

CEO Genie Hanson-Carols noted that the company's culture was about inclusivity and teamwork, and achieving those goals would be impossible with remote work.
Roy Riffle -
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Music

New Study Claims Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

A new 4-year study confirms what many girls already know.
Roy Riffle -
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Alternative

Marin County Bus Service Powered by Kale Farts

In a groundbreaking move, Marin County introduces its FlatuFuel Bus Services, harnessing the mighty power of kale farts to save the environment. Affluent residents, despite never boarding a bus, eagerly contribute their kale-induced flatulence to fuel the buses. This eco-friendly initiative sparks a wave of green enthusiasm, proving that one person's toot can truly make a difference in the fight against climate change.
Roy Riffle -
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National News

Hunter Biden Abandons Presidential Run

Hunter Biden announces he's not running for President in 2024, ending a non-existent campaign that captivated political circles.
Roy Riffle -
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Latest Posts

McDonald’s Experimenting with “Food Bong” To Pump Big Macs into Drive Thru Customer’s Stomachs.

Loretta Splitair - 0
In Dayton, Ohio, McDonald’s unveils its “Food Bong,” a device that feeds Big Macs directly to customers. Trump supporters hail this as proof of the “Trump effect” on everyday life, while across the street, Burger King, ever the attention-seeker, counters with a stomach pump deal for $1.99. Fast food meets politics in a showdown of indulgence and spectacle.

Hardee’s Celebrates the Return of ‘American Appetite’ with the $2.99 Mega MAGA Burger

Loretta Splitair - 0
Hardee’s has unveiled the $2.99 Mega MAGA Burger, a six-patty stack of American appetite wrapped in Bible verses and the Constitution. The limited-time burger, designed to remind customers of simpler times, launched with a special appearance by Donald Trump at a Dayton, OH location. Crowds are flocking for a taste of nostalgia priced as if it were still 1996.

Local Trump Supporter Insists ‘Again’ in MAGA is About Resurrecting the Glory Days of Jell-O Salad, Not Policies or Politics

Loretta Splitair - 0
In Nevada County, Trump enthusiast Big D reveals the truth behind the “again” in MAGA: it’s all about resurrecting 1960s-style Jell-O salads. While his family debates policy, he’s fighting for the return of neon gelatin creations, Cool Whip, and canned fruit, insisting these are the true American traditions. This Thanksgiving, the political divide looks a little wobbly!

Rally Turns Violent as Trump Announces that McDonald’s is Discontinuing the Chicken Big Mac

Loretta Splitair - 0
Donald Trump’s latest rally in Des Moines took a bizarre turn when he announced that McDonald’s would discontinue the Chicken Big Mac, sparking outrage among supporters. In a move as surreal as it was chaotic, Trump tossed sandwiches into the desperate crowd, framing McDonald’s decision as an “attack on freedom.” The crowd scrambled for every bite, chanting “Make Big Macs Great Again!”

Donald Trump Claims “Haitian” Squirrel Ripped Off His Other Ear

Loretta Splitair - 0
Former President Donald Trump claims a “Haitian” squirrel attacked him, supposedly radicalized by Peanut, the New York squirrel recently seized by wildlife authorities. Trump’s supporters insist Peanut is proof of an anti-Trump squirrel uprising, fueling rumors of a “squirrel defense force” at Mar-a-Lago. Trump vows to “protect America from radical rodents”—even as the alleged squirrel roams free.

Most Popular

Skydiver Caught by 737 Dragged For 200 Miles

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 21
A Manteca, CA man is lucky to be alive following an encounter with a Boeing 737.

Trump Tours Chemtrail Plane and Promises to Stop the Geoengineering Program

Michael Stephen - 1600
Former President Donald Trump inspected a chemtrail-equipped Boeing 767 at Andrews Air Force Base, vowing to dismantle the controversial program. Joined by Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene, Trump aims to redirect funds to infrastructure and his border wall. The plan faces significant hurdles, including Congressional approval and Senate resistance, but anti-chemtrail activists are cautiously optimistic.

Family Cited For Viking Funeral on Local Lake

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 0
A local Norwegian family from the Cascade Shores housing development is in hot water for attempting to cremate a deceased relative on Scotts Flat Lake earlier today. The Barstad family recently suffer the loss of the family's patriarch, Norman Barstad, who had lived with the family at their Spanish Lane home.

Local Militia Attempts to Reopen Denny’s

Roy Riffle - 0
A Placer County self-proclaimed 'patriot militia' attempted to re-open a Newcastle Denny's restaurant.

Bilderberg Group to Meet in Sierra City in 2025

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 0
The annual private meeting of North American and European elites known as the Bilderberg Group announced this week that they will be holding their annual conference at Herrington's Sierra Pines Resort in June of 2022.

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