Articles by
Roy Riffle
Our youngest columnist, Roy Riffle gained fortune, though not necessarily fame, when at 9 years old he coined the phrase "Obey Your Thirst". Some of his smugness stems from "having read the bible and understanding the metaphors." Roy is currently the only Millennial on Gish Gallop payroll. And hopefully the last.
Food
Goodwill Denies Reselling Dog Shit in Plastic Bags
Goodwill industries is denying that it packaged dog feces for resale.
Satire
Area CPA Only In It For The Money
Local CPA Gerald Carry wants his kids to know the truth about his often challenging profession.
Art
Future Active Shooter Disappointed About C- Manifesto Grade
Garth Gall of Clovis, CA says he plans to work hard to get his grades up.
National News
Area Woman Raises Funds To Ship Fleshlights To Troops Overseas
Area women Grace Bowles has started a GoFundMe campaign to raise money for Fleshlights to be deployed soldiers overseas.
Living
Asian Tourists Confused by Dick’s Sporting Goods
A spokesperson for AST says that the popular touring line is considering different routes from LAX to Disneyland in the future.
Satire
Nation’s First 5G Vaccinations Offered at Nevada City Homeless Shelter
Nevada City became the nation's first to vaccinate against the dangers of 5G wireless technologies.
Paranormal
Nevada City Residents Trying To Locate Mysterious Source of Muslim Call For Prayer
Area officials claim they can't locate the noise, which has been repeatedly reported by as many as 10 people.
Local News
Area Lottery Winner Plans to Travel and Masturbate Frequently
Recent multi-million dollar California Lottery winner Derrick Lopez of Fresno, CA told his friends on Facebook that he wants to fulfill his dreams of traveling the world following his huge windfall.
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