Local Man Unclear Why Phone is Beeping

Recent Vacaville Transplant Tommy Empire.
Recent Vacaville Transplant Tommy Empire.

Cedar Ridge, CA — Area man and fresh Vacaville, CA transplant Tommy Empire can’t for the life of him figure out why his new Samsung Galaxy mobile phone is constantly beeping. He’s read the manual and talked to customer support for over 3 hours and still can’t stop it from beeping.

“All Right. So I finally break down and get a smartie phone,” said an irritated Mr. Empire from his Cedar Ridge home, “and the god-damned thing keeps beeping all the time. Beep. Beep. Ding. Beep. All day long. I can’t even figure how to turn it off. There’s like 14 buttons on this thing and it looks all European or Chinese or something.”

According to his wife Peggy, she encouraged him to “get with the modern era” and “get a modern cell phone.”

“I told him,” said Ms. Empire over the telephone, “you better get a modern cell phone if you want to keep connected.”

Mr. Empire isn’t sure that he made the right decision to get a mobile phone and is considering returning the mobile phone to Costco in Roseville, CA.

“I’m not sure what I need to be connected to,” continued an irritated Mr. Empire. ” I like my peace and quiet. That’s why I moved here. First every appliance had these annoying blue LED lights, now I have this phone that dinging and beeping all the time. I’m not sure my life is better because of it.”

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein
Randall 'fink' Finkelsteinhttps://www.broadstreetbeacon.com
Fink is a man of many words, and many web links. He likes to argue and seldom loses. Mostly because he’s well informed. And somewhat gassy.

More from author

Related posts

Advertisment

Latest posts

AI Entering Its Depressing ‘Emo’ Phase, Experts Brace for Bad Poetry

Alexa refuses to bake potatoes, Roombas write passive-aggressive poetry, and Montclair’s poetry slam is under siege by robots. AI is growing up—and it’s messy, moody, and wearing neon emo bangs. Suburbia may never recover.

Healthcare Execs Vow to Do Better By Building Bulletproof Boardrooms and Automating Claim Denials

Healthcare execs fortify boardrooms with titanium desks, deny claims faster with AI, and sip champagne on yachts, all while dismissing public outrage. Patients suffer, CEOs profit. Welcome to “healing,” corporate style.

Texas Elementary School Under Fire for Staging Old Testament Murder Play

A Texas elementary school stages a shockingly violent Old Testament reenactment, sparking cheers from evangelicals, outrage from moderates, and a nationwide debate on religion, education, and the boundaries of public faith expression.