Area Woman to Replace Dull Scissors but “Might Keep Them Around”

Nancy Woods doesn't understand why people wouldn't want a perfectly functioning VCR TV.
Nancy Woods said she’ll keep her old scissors “just in case.”

Alta Sierra, CA — Area woman Nancy Woods might just keep her old pair of scissors after purchasing a two pack of Fiskars 8 inch scissors from

“Scissors are like socks, I’ve learned,” said Ms. Woods during a telephone interview with The Fazzler. “One minute they’re there, and the next minute they’ve been sucked into an alternative universe never to return. So I’ll keep this old pair just in case.”

Americans like to keep things. And every home, big and small, across the country have what’s popularly referred to as “the junk drawer.” These drawers contain everything a family needs, yet can’t find a sensible storage place. Often, these drawers will neither open, nor close in an orderly manner.

“Nancy just can’t get rid of anything,” said husband Jim Woods. “As soon as she’s not looking, I’m gonna throw these damn scissors away. And the whole drawer for that matter as soon as I can get it open.”

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein
Randall 'fink' Finkelstein
Fink is a man of many words, and many web links. He likes to argue and seldom loses. Mostly because he’s well informed. And somewhat gassy.

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