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Home Depot Targets Zoomers with PridePlanks Rainbow Lumber

In a confounding turn of events, Home Depot, refuge of the suburban handyman, now peddles rainbow-hued 2x4s, dubbed PridePlanks, in select West Coast locations. As outraged traditionalists gasp in horror, Zoomers revel in the chromatic wonder. Meanwhile, a bridge forms between conservative shoppers and exploited migrant workers, united in their bewilderment. Progress, as it seems, marches on, leaving a trail of disgruntled bigots in its wake.
Michael Stephen -
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Ten Things You Can Do with All the Toilet Paper You’ve Hoarded

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 0
With the East Coast port strike resolved and no shortage of toilet paper in sight, many Americans are now stuck with a surplus of panic-bought TP. But don’t worry! From building cozy TP forts to crafting DIY wedding dresses, here are ten hilarious and creative ways to make the most of your toilet paper stash.

Trump Promises to Make ‘Mr. Twitter’ Press Secretary if Elected

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 0
In true Trump fashion, he’s shaking up the White House again, this time by replacing the press secretary with Twitter! Or as Trump calls it, “Mr. Twitter" in his quest for “government efficiency,” Trump’s next big idea involves tweets, emojis, and Musk’s downsizing magic.

Iranian Leadership’s Sony PlayStations Reportedly Exploding

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 0
Iranian officials’ PlayStations are reportedly exploding, leaving the ruling class grappling with a new “crisis” while citizens endure far worse hardships. Whether it's Israeli sabotage or just bad wiring, the explosions highlight the absurd disparity between the elite and everyday Iranians. Spoiler: most Iranians don’t even know what a PlayStation 5 is.

Biden-Harris Admin Accused of Using HAARP to Blow Away Florida Voters

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 0
Conspiracy theorists are alleging that the Biden-Harris administration is weaponizing HAARP to control Hurricane Helene and suppress Republican voters in Florida. Theories of mind control, 5G nanoparticles, and chemtrails swirl, but Caltech astrophysicist Dr. Tral Aldrich debunks the claims, tiredly reminding everyone that HAARP is a research facility, not a joystick for manipulating elections or the weather.

The Entire John Steinbeck Catalog Now a 5-Minute TikTok Video

Loretta Splitair - 0
Tom Joad stands in disbelief as his family’s struggle is transformed into a five-minute TikTok sensation. Their story, once defined by hardship and dignity, is now a viral meme, shared and forgotten in seconds. As the world scrolls past, Tom realizes that in this digital age, human suffering is nothing more than content for a blind and fleeting audience.

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Skydiver Caught by 737 Dragged For 200 Miles

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 21
A Manteca, CA man is lucky to be alive following an encounter with a Boeing 737.

Trump Tours Chemtrail Plane and Promises to Stop the Geoengineering Program

Michael Stephen - 1600
Former President Donald Trump inspected a chemtrail-equipped Boeing 767 at Andrews Air Force Base, vowing to dismantle the controversial program. Joined by Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene, Trump aims to redirect funds to infrastructure and his border wall. The plan faces significant hurdles, including Congressional approval and Senate resistance, but anti-chemtrail activists are cautiously optimistic.

Family Cited For Viking Funeral on Local Lake

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 0
A local Norwegian family from the Cascade Shores housing development is in hot water for attempting to cremate a deceased relative on Scotts Flat Lake earlier today. The Barstad family recently suffer the loss of the family's patriarch, Norman Barstad, who had lived with the family at their Spanish Lane home.

Local Militia Attempts to Reopen Denny’s

Roy Riffle - 0
A Placer County self-proclaimed 'patriot militia' attempted to re-open a Newcastle Denny's restaurant.

Bilderberg Group to Meet in Sierra City in 2025

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein - 0
The annual private meeting of North American and European elites known as the Bilderberg Group announced this week that they will be holding their annual conference at Herrington's Sierra Pines Resort in June of 2022.

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