Republican lawmakers once again rely on thoughts and prayers to prevent mass shootings, marking the 10,574th time this strategy has failed. As the nation reels from tragedy, these unwavering champions of divine intervention plan to think and pray even harder, while critics wonder when – if ever – they'll consider actual legislative action.
In a shocking turn of events, the renowned local hero and self-proclaimed "good guy with a gun" dozed off during a pivotal moment, leaving several dead and a community in disbelief. While residents trusted their fate to this armed vigilante, he dreamed of a world where every citizen must holster a firearm—even napping citizens, ensuring there's always a backup "good guy" on standby.
The move has been met with overwhelming support from the community, with most of the town praising the school for its commitment to religious education and safety.