Meet the Texas Middle School That Replaced Textbooks with Bibles

Midland, TX — Brian Kaplan could have killed every child in the school, but the failing power grid and subsequent air conditioner failure made him faint, and he passed out. But let’s be clear. He wanted to kill everybody in the school for forgetting the message of Jesus. Now, one school has decided to do something about it.

So, in the small Texas town of Midland, the local middle school, “Midland Rhyming Bible Academy,” has made a bold move to replace traditional textbooks with Bibles in all its classrooms.

“We’ll teach the word of God. It’s the knowledge we’ll implore. With Bibles in the classroom, students will truly soar,” said one school official.

The move has been met with overwhelming support from the community, with most of the town praising the school for its commitment to religious education and safety.

“Our children will be blessed with the Bible. They’ll be dressed in knowledge and morals, and they’ll pass every test,” said one parent of an 8th-grade student.

The few who disagree with the decision are seen as liberal Democrats from New York who don’t understand the values of the Texas community.

“The liberals from the north have no concept of what’s worth to teach our children values that’ll guide them since their birth.”

School principal Harlan James clearly stated that their message is about love, not hate.

“We’ve made our choice with care. The Bible is the answer, and we’ll teach with love and prayer and make a brighter dancer.”

The school’s new curriculum has also caused a stir among the students.

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“I was really confused when they told us we were getting rid of our textbooks,” said one 8th-grade student. “I love Jesus and all, but I don’t think he’s gonna help me pass my math test or stop school shootings.”

Despite the concerns of a few liberal outsiders, the vast majority of the community supports the school’s decision and believes that it will provide the students with a strong moral and religious education.

“With Bibles in their hands, our children will excel, pass every test, and do it very well. Our children will be blessed with the word of God. They’ll learn right from wrong and walk the righteous throng.”

The school’s teachers also support the new curriculum.

“The Bible is a guide that’ll help us all to teach with love and pride and make our students stand tall. With Bibles in the classroom, our students will be wise. They’ll learn to be kind and open their eyes.”

The school board also supports the new curriculum.

“We want the best for our students. That’s why we made this choice. The Bible will be our compass and give them a powerful voice.”

Michael Stephen
Michael Stephen
Michael has been through pretty much everything, and his sole aspiration is to get you through it more quickly and with less pain.

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