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San Francisco, CA — Bay Area man Jason Dubrey is now recovering from a month-long diet of Jamba Juice beverages. Dubrey, 34, has been watching several online videos about weight loss and juice diets and decided last month to try a “30-day Juice fast.” However, after 1 week into the crash diet, he began to feel shaky and very thirsty.

“Oh boy,” said a flushed and pudgy Mr. Dubrey, “I didn’t go about this the right way. I didn’t really study the ingredients in these juice diets. And I thought, ‘juice was juice.’ But apparently, there’s a lot of sugar in Jamba Juice. A whole butt-load. And on these juice diets, you’re supposed to blend all these gross hippie things like kale and beets.”

The claim of Jamba Juice is that their smoothies are only made of 100 percent natural ingredients needed by the body and the brain to function properly.  “Natural” or “organic” does not always equal healthy, though.  The popular Orange Dream Machine flavor packs 540 calories for one 24-ounce Original serving size.

Americans Aren’t Following USDA Guidelines

Based on the Dietary Guidelines for Americans’ recommended 2000-calorie diet, one smoothie equals one-quarter of a person’s daily calories. Some Jamba Juice beverages, such as the mango-A-Go-Go® pack as many as 118 grams of sugar per serving.

“I wasn’t trying to make a point or a video about my experience,” continued Mr. Dubrey, “I was just trying to get healthy and lose some weight. Now I have Diabetes. Crap.”

Bethany Millbright of Jamba Juice.
Bethany Millbright of Jamba Juice.

According to Bethany Millbright, Director of Public Relations for the popular beverage company, it is company policy to discourage over drinking.

“We are delighted that Mr. Dubrey has chosen a healthy lifestyle,” said Ms. Millbright in a prepared statement. “As everyone knows now, the American diet is not healthy. And we here at Jamba Juice are proud to offer beverages that run counter to this trend. And although we appreciate Mr. Dubrey including Jamba Juice as a part of his healthy eating program, we would recommend that he add some diversity to his meal plans.”

As for Mr. Dubrey, he’s decided to see a doctor and a nutritionist to better understand his dietary needs.

“Welp, I made a mistake and now have Type 2 [Diabetes],” said a somewhat somber Mr. Dubrey. “I hope people can learn from my mistake that 3-4 Caribbean Passion Smoothies is too much. Live and learn, I suppose.”