Grass Valley, CA — Local Green party leader, former candidate and generally nice guy Derrick Packard snuck through the Grass Valley McDonald’s drive thru late Monday afternoon.
“I was hoping no one would see,” said Mr Packard from his Nevada City home. “But I never do that kind of thing. I mean, it’s McDonalds. They’re the food version of Monsanto. They’re like the Koch Brothers and Monsanto combined into one evil grilled chile chicken cheese wrap.”
Sources close to the incident tell The Fazzler that his two children Sky and Tyler were misbehaving in the back seat of the family’s 2010 Toyota Prius Electric Conversion. The family had just returned from a 3 day visit with the Mr. Packard’s Republican in-laws in Fresno, so his defenses were understandably low.
“I couldn’t take the bickering and fighting in the backseat,” said Mr. Packard. “And just as we got past the Dorsey Interchange, they started clamoring for McDonalds. Naturally I was horrified, but the wife said, ‘just this once. we’ll hurry through.”
A quick The Fazzler Google search of “Why is McDonalds bad?” rendered over 26 million anti-McDonalds pages. That’s 7 million more than a “Is Glenn Beck Satan?” query. But generally political Progressives and left to middle moderate people find the corporate mega-giant’s practices abhorrent due to the fact that they reduce diversity in the food supply, provide food with little or no nutritional value and aggressively target children in their marketing. Moderates say the detractors need to lighten up the hell up and use some common sense.
“I am so sick of hearing people complain about McDonalds,” said Clara Birch of Truckee. “If you’re eating there more than once a month, perhaps you need to re-evaluate your lifestyle. There’s very little harm in having a Big mac every once in a while. I mean, eating oatmeal every day ain’t what I call living.”
The Fazzler reached out to the restaurant general manager Skip Ricca who enthusiastically defended his restaurant.
“We work hard to serve our customers in a timely manner with the food they want,” said a confident Mr. Ricca. “We are happy that Mr. Packard and his family patronized our restaurant. I hope they come again soon to play our new Disney Monopoly game dropping later this week.”
