McConnell: Trump’s Finger Smells Like Ass

Washington, D.C. — In a rare interview with Politico magazine, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnel admitted that former President Trump’s forefinger regularly “smelt like ass.”

The odd and frank admission came after a series of aggressive questions from interviewer Gary Adams where the journalists cornered Mr. McConnell on his unwavering support for Trump.

“We’ve been working with the President and his agenda. It’s what’s best for America,” said McConnell. “But sometimes the president can get passionate about his positions and put his finger in your face. Often it smelt like ass.”

The Kentucky senator has come under fire from critics who believe he’s too close to Trump and not serving his duty to maintain the separation of powers prescribed in the Constitution. His off-handed “ass” comment was seen by many as an attempt to distance himself from Trump and his potentially ass-soaked finger.

McConnell followed up his comments by stressing he’s not a fan of that ass smell.

“Not that I would know what that smells like, but my best guess it’s his ass,” continued McConnell. “I’m not sure why it smells, but I have my theories. You can use your imagination, but I wouldn’t recommend that.”

In the past, others in the White House have expressed concern about the President’s finger hygiene, but none have been as forthright as Mr. McConnel.

“It was a thing in the West Wing,” said a source close to the former President. “Everyone used a lot of disinfecting wipes and gel after shaking hands with the President. Some thought it was one of his strategies to make people uncomfortable and gain the upper hand. Even foreign leaders knew about it, but they kept their opinions and hand gel to themselves.”

Former White House Press Secretary Stephanie Grisham said there is no truth to the rumors and that the President is “well known for his cleanliness and fear of germs.” And that these rumors have nothing to do with the President’s claim that average Americans are flushing their EPA-approved toilets “15 times per day.”

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein
Randall 'fink' Finkelstein
Fink is a man of many words, and many web links. He likes to argue and seldom loses. Mostly because he’s well informed. And somewhat gassy.

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