National Hotel’s 5G-Shielded Suite Booked Through 2024

Nevada City, CA — As the newly renovated National Hotel nears its opening date, several people close to the project announced that its 5G shielded rooms are already booked through 2024. According to the same source, the “chemtrail geoengineered proofed” suites are still available.

The iconic National Exchange Hotel first opened its doors in August of 1856, and over the years, it has suffered from fires and floods and the onslaught of Russian oligarchs over the past 150 years. The Hotel has a long tradition of protecting guests from various Nevada City conspiracies.

In the late 19th and early 20th century, The National Hotel offered “telegraph-free” rooms, which sealed patrons worried about “electric infection.” In the 1980s, the National briefly converted several rooms to protect from nuclear gamma radiation. At the time, the proprietors claimed some guests were demanding shielding from “[President Ronald] Reagan’s pending nuclear war and the radioactive fallout from the Chernobyl reactor incident.”

“They’re just responding to what customers want,” said local community activist and amateur arborist Saihra Ramun. “People want protection and a good night’s sleep. Having a shielded room is what I have, and it makes sense that sensitive like me want an EMR [Electormagnetic Radiation]-free lodging experience. I don’t know how they did it, but I’ve installed a faraday cage underneath my home’s drywall.”

A Simple Fix?

One renovation worker says they 5G-proofed the room by installing heavy-duty Reynolds aluminum foil onto the walls and then painting them.

“It wasn’t the best solution, let me tell you,” said Stephen Craft, a sheetrock contractor from Penn Valley who’s been working on the Hotel since 2019. “But it seems to work. I mean, I can’t get a cell signal in the room. I like the anti-chemtrail suites because they have advanced filtration systems. So that seems to make more sense.”

Along with the 5-G-shielded rooms and the anti-chemtrail ones, rumors swirl that the National is planning an anti-vaccination-themed room. Those close to the Hotel’s renovation say the anti-vax accommodation won’t provide additional services but will feature creative room names such as the Robert Kennedy, Jr. Suite and the Herd Immunity banquet room.

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein
Randall 'fink' Finkelstein
Fink is a man of many words, and many web links. He likes to argue and seldom loses. Mostly because he’s well informed. And somewhat gassy.

More from author

Related posts


Latest posts

Tim Hortons Installs Canadian Space Arm at Ottawa Location

Tim Hortons has unveiled a surprising new addition to its flagship Ottawa location: the Canadarm. Known for its crucial roles on the Space Shuttle and International Space Station, this iconic piece of Canadian engineering will now be serving coffee and donuts to delighted patrons. Dubbed the "Timbitsarm," this futuristic barista promises to bring a touch of zero-gravity magic to the everyday coffee experience, making morning routines in Ottawa more extraordinary than ever.

Louisiana Teacher Under Fire for Posting 10 Commandments in Pig Latin

History teacher Bernie Carver stirred controversy by displaying the Ten Commandments in Pig Latin, provoking ire from conservative parents. Earl "Big Earl" LeJeune fumed, "This is part of a larger conspiracy. Next, they'll be speaking French! And you know what they say about French – it's the language of the devil!"