The Saudis Admit to Blowing Up the Georgia Guidestones

Elbert County, Georgia — In a shocking turn of events, the Saudi Arabian government has finally admitted to blowing up the Georgia Guidestones.

For those unfamiliar with the Georgia Guidestones, they are a granite monument erected in 1980 in Elbert County, Georgia, in the United States. A set of 10 guidelines is inscribed on the stones in eight modern languages, and a shorter message is inscribed in four ancient languages’ scripts. The stones stand at the center of the site at the highest point in Elbert County.

The monument has long been shrouded in mystery, with many speculating about its true purpose and origins. Some have even gone so far as to suggest that an ancient civilization or extraterrestrial beings created it.

But now, the Saudi Arabian government has come forward to claim responsibility for the monument’s destruction. In a statement released earlier today, the government stated that the Georgia Guidestones were a secret Saudi Arabian military base built in the 1980s as part of a covert operation.

According to the statement, the base was designed to be a top-secret facility where Saudi Arabian military leaders could plot their next moves in total secrecy. However, U.S. authorities eventually discovered the base, leading to its destruction.

“We are sorry for any confusion or concern that the destruction of the Georgia Guidestones may have caused,” the statement reads. “We hope this admission will help to clear up any misunderstandings and allow for better relations between our two countries in the future.”

So there you have it, folks. The mystery of the Georgia Guidestones has finally been solved, thanks to the Saudi Arabian government’s bold admission. Let’s hope that this revelation doesn’t lead to any more destruction in the future.

Loretta Splitair
Loretta Splitair
Loretta Splitair is Gish Gallop's Media and Cultural Editor. She has written widely including publications such as Rolling Stone, The Atlantic and the Lady's Home Journal where she hosts a regular column on the ravages of Billy Joel's music entitled, Billy Joel is a Piece of Shit. Loretta is married to her second husband after her first died protesting railway expansion in Kansas. Please do not ask her about it.

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