Michael Stephen

God, the Creator of all things, admitted over the weekend that he's a massive Floyd fan.

In a confounding turn of events, Home Depot, refuge of the suburban handyman, now peddles rainbow-hued 2x4s, dubbed PridePlanks, in select West Coast locations. As outraged traditionalists gasp in horror, Zoomers revel in the chromatic wonder. Meanwhile, a bridge forms between conservative shoppers and exploited migrant workers, united in their bewilderment. Progress, as it seems, marches on, leaving a trail of disgruntled bigots in its wake.

Area drivers have suddenly and unexpectedly been extremely respectful of bicyclists sharing the roads recently. Many believe this may be because of a new law that requires drivers to steer clear, by at least three feet, around bicyclists riding on the road. The Fazzler may have discovered another reason for the respectful trend.

A critter cam caught what area amateur cryptozoologist Keith Bradenshauer claims is a werewolf.

The Centers for Disease Control in Atlanta, Georgia have linked excessive masturbation to blindness.

A Google self-driving car caused a traffic jam in Grass Valley over the weekend. A Google engineer decided to try out the new driver-less car in this area to, as he explains, to put it through the paces of my own hometown, where I learned to drive.

"I can't believe someone would be so irresponsible as to start a fire at a waterslide park," said one concerned citizen. "What were they thinking?"

The usually non-partisan COVID-19 coronavirus has found a deep friendship with the Republican Party.