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Warren, MI — Some sad news for Warren, Michigan’s number one citizen today. The Big Boy, of Bob’s Big Boy fame, was arrested and booked into the Warren city jail after police say he spent too much time loitering outside an area business.

“We know this is going to make a lot of people angry, and to be honest, we’re bit upset,” said Warren police spokesperson Bethany Millbright. “Big Boy was arrested at approximately 4 am after he refused to leave the Twelve Mile Road 7-Eleven.”

The police report claims that Big Boy, who is the official mascot of Bob’s Big Boy, arrived at Warren 7-Eleven after what he claimed was “a rather involved kidnapping by local high school seniors.” Big Boy insisted that he was “minding his own business” when at 2 am, several male teenagers picked him up and put him into the back of a 1994 Ford F-150. They placed a large plastic bag over him to conceal his identity.

After an hour-long “joy ride,” mostly over parking lot speed bumps, Big Boy was dumped at All Saints Episcopal church parking lot. Exhausted and delirious, Big Boy made his way three blocks to the 7-Eleven, where he attempted to drink a Slurpee directly from the fountain and then refused to leave.

Big Boy Puts His Big Boy Pants On

Big Boy’s lawyer, Virgil Romack, Esq. of Gray Matter Litigations, LLC. claims his client is the real victim here.

“Big Boy was the subject of a gross and distressful situation, ” said Mr. Romack, speaking on a Friday conference call. “And, it’s like we say, where there is a will, there is a lawsuit. Anybody who thinks talk is cheap should get some legal advice, and soon the city of Warren, 7-Eleven, and a collection of other defendants yet to be mentioned in the coming days will get that. And remember, an incompetent lawyer can delay a trial for months or years. A competent lawyer can delay one even longer.”

After posting $85,000 bail, Warren policed released Big Boy. According to Mr. Romack, he will be back at work early next week. The Police have no suspects in his abduction.