Breaking: GenX Still Doesn’t Give a Shit

A Brief Essay by Loretta Splitair, As If She Cares What You Think

GenX is overlooked; latch-key kids who were named after a book. We’re the hose-drinking, streetlight-staying, microwave-dinner-making generation. We grew up believing that no one cared what we did then. And you know what? They still don’t, and we don’t care.

We’re not embarrassed or defensive if our clothes aren’t trendy. Our knee-high boots and joggers are cheugy, as the Zoomers call them. Boots are hot, and joggers are comfy. So when I put together a business presentation, my teens may call me “sweaty.” GenXers realize it takes a little “sweat” to get things done. Just a little and no more.

I’m a GenXer. I was born in the 1970s, and thus, I’m called a Generation Xer. End-of-the-’80s babies are called Xennials or “geriatric millennials.” Which enraged Millennials online. But they’re like that. However, we GenXers smirk. Who has time for anything else? We’re ancient. It’s obvious, OK?

In school, we’re currently teaching your entitled children some variation of some new math permutation, and guess what? We don’t care that we called your kids entitled because they are. We’re sure they’re good kids, but they’ve grown up in the land of milk and honey. Of course, we’re also your managers and good ones. But you probably think we’re Boomers, but we don’t care.

Listen, when we were kids (and spare us the ‘here goes the old farts telling us what to think…’–we don’t care), our parents were our parents and not our friends. And we think Millennials and, eventually, the Zoomers should embrace that, but we doubt that will happen. Either way, we don’t care. It’s a recommendation like “don’t run with scissors” and “don’t be a dick to the restaurant person who touches your food.” Sage advice.

So you think we’re outmoded? Out of touch? Yes, but look, we’ve ALWAYS been outmoded out of touch, which is exactly how we like it. That’s how our Silent Generation parents (we’ll save that for another article) liked it, too, with their leftover depression-era lifestyles. We’re cultural nomads wandering the empty vessel that is America: not impressed by much and not offended that much. So have a nice day, as the Boomers will tell you. Us? We don’t care.

Oh, and one last thing. Zoomers have taken to calling us the Karen Generation. We understand the mistake. It’s an easy one to make. However, we’re the Heather Generation. Look it up.

Loretta Splitair
Loretta Splitair
Loretta Splitair is Gish Gallop's Media and Cultural Editor. She has written widely including publications such as Rolling Stone, The Atlantic and the Lady's Home Journal where she hosts a regular column on the ravages of Billy Joel's music entitled, Billy Joel is a Piece of Shit. Loretta is married to her second husband after her first died protesting railway expansion in Kansas. Please do not ask her about it.

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