California Plastic Bag Tax to be Used for New High Speed Train

The new California High Speed Railroad will be funded by paper bag fees.
The new California High Speed Railroad will be funded by paper bag fees.

Sacramento, CA — As Californians woke January 1st to a  new voter-approved plastic bag ban, few realized that the new 10 cent bag fees in grocery stores are being funneled into the grossly over-budget California high-speed railroad train project.

“It was chaos in Grocery Outlet over the past week,” said Cedar Ridge resident Janet Williams. “With no yellow plastic bags, everyone seemed lost and disorganized. There were brown paper ones for $.10 with no handles. Useless. And these plastic ones you could buy, which seemed illegal. And now this stupid train thing.”

According to officials in Sacramento, the new plastic bag ban and subsequent fees are an important revenue source for the $68 Billion dollar project.

“The math is very simple,” said program manager Jose Pastrana. “$.10 a bag, times 680 billion new bag fees, and we have the project paid for. We think Californians will step up to what we’re calling the ‘Bag the Train’ challenge.”

A train groundbreaking ceremony is planned in Fresno on Tuesday July6, 2019 to mark the commencement of sustained construction activities. Authorities plan to fill plastic shopping bags with helium and set them free as a symbol of this new funding source and as a nod to the train’s route though sensitive ecological Central Valley grasslands.

“This Tuesday is going to be a great day for California,” continued Mr. Pastrana, “and every Californian can do their part by buying bags at their local grocery store. What could be simpler?”

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein
Randall 'fink' Finkelstein
Fink is a man of many words, and many web links. He likes to argue and seldom loses. Mostly because he’s well informed. And somewhat gassy.

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