Satire
BriarPatch to Carry “Grocery Outlet” Section
The move is expected to draw that critical "I can't afford to shop at the BriarPatch" demographic.
National News
Idiot Exclaims: “I’m oppressed! Just watch them arrest me for storming the Oval Office.”
He was overheard shouting "Let's go Brandon" moments before being tackled by Secret Service personnel.
Satire
Area Racist Has Largest Collection of Used Handkerchiefs
Area trinket collector, "oriental" food connoisseur and occasional racist Terry Adkinson was featured on A&E's new show called Oddball Collectors for having the world's largest collection of soiled handkerchiefs.
Satire
Suspicious Rice Cooker Left Outside of Salvation Army
The Police were dispatched to attend to a suspicious appliance outside of the Grass Valley Salvation Army.
Local News
Area Man Uses Tub Hair to Create Roommate Friendship Bracelets
After removing his roommates' body hair from the shower drain, Mr. Foresight created "Friendship" bracelets for them.
Living
Experts Recommend Controversial Technique to Relieve Self-Checkout Machines Stress
So the next time you're feeling overwhelmed and stressed at a self-checkout machine, try this.
Earth News
The United States Responds to Mysterious Chinese Balloon
White House Press Secretary, Karine Jean-Pierre, says the intention behind this move was to ease the tension and show the world that the US government has a sense of humor.
Satire
Sacramento Dog Converts To Islam
The Schultz family knew something was not right when Dazzler began to spell out "the problem is with the infidels" with her kibble and would randomly bite family members ankles for no reason. Well, there was a reason.
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