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America, It’s What’s For Dinner — After almost a decades-long battle, liberals have declared victory on the war on Christmas, with conservatives finishing a distance 3rd behind Betty White fans. But, according to more than one source, the final battle came this past holiday season when much of the country’s conservatives gave up.

“No one was expecting this,” said Christmas historian Amanda Campbell who studies both war and Christmas, “but the conservatives didn’t even bother to show up this year. And I’m not just talking about the usual Fox News antipathy, and I mean the regular, Chick-fil-A-loving folk. They didn’t even put up Christmas lights.”

Although many think the War on Christmas is a recent phenomenon, it dates back to the 1920s when Henry Ford, of the Ford Motor Company fame, published a series of pamphlets claiming to expose “the whole record of Jewish opposition [to] Christmas” and other Christian holidays like Easter. As with other past conspiracies, the war on Christmas has its roots in a vile form of antisemitism.

In 2004, conservative TV host Bill O’Reilly revitalized the woeful “War on Christmas” for modern audiences. Although author Peter Brimelow coined the phrase, O’Reilly launched it to new heights on his highly-rated Fox News program.

Many were surprised when conservatives didn’t just wave the white flag. Instead, they just gave up and went home.

What does this mean going forward? Well, according to liberal activists, not much.

“Nothing is going to change because nothing changed in the first place,” said Center for Equality and Media Overwatch’s Margie Capperoni. “It was the original fake news. No one was trying to suppress the world’s most powerful and wealthy religious group. Nor was anyone trying to limit their speech. It was all made up in their heads to make them feel like victims.”

According to Ms. Capperoni, religious and political conservatives can continue to celebrate their sacred holidays in private and public squares as long as it doesn’t involve using government resources.

“It might be more helpful to their cause if they didn’t make themselves out to be victims,” continued Ms. Capperoni. “It also would help if they got out next year and put up their Christmas lights. But, of course, we weren’t expecting such an easy victory.”

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