Local Researcher: McKinleyville, California Doesn’t Exist

Skyy Wolford out in front of the Sierra Super Stop in North San Juan, CA.
Skyy Wolford out in front of the Sierra Super Stop in North San Juan, CA.

North San Juan, CA — North San Juan resident, part-time chemtrail researcher and amateur ionizing radiation hobbyist Skyy Wolford announced to a somewhat disinterested crowd out in front of the Sierra Super Stop that McKinleyville, California is an elaborate hoax and does not exist. Mr. Wolford, who was recently in the news following his landmark Wi-Fi disability settlement, has been studying what he calls “the McKinleyville anomaly” for the past 3 years.

“There’s this thing I learned on the Internet called the Bielefeld effect,” said a mood-elevated Mr. Wolford in a The Fazzler telephone interview. “It’s where there’s this illusion that some place actually exists. People talk about it. They even claim to know people there. But it’s all fake. They’re either part of the conspiracy to keep the hoax alive, or they’re delusional.”

The Bielefeld effect also known as the Bielefeld conspiracy originated in 1994 in the German Usenet, which claimed that the city of Bielefeld does not actually exist, but is an illusion propagated by various Illuminati forces. Originally an internet phenomenon, the effect has since spread to other hoax cities like McKinleyville, California. To this day German Chancellor Angela Merkel, refers to Bielefeld in her speeches, even though the city doesn’t actually exist.

Horses can't have the right of way in McKinleyville, CA because McKinleyville doesn't exist.
Horses can’t have the right of way in McKinleyville, CA because McKinleyville doesn’t exist.

McKinleyville is supposedly located in the northern part of California, and has been pushed as a bedroom community due to its location near Arcata and Eureka, CA. However, after three attempts to contact the local government by The Fazzler with no success, Mr. Wolford’s observations seem less batshit crazy.

“Look,” continued Mr. Wolford,”It’s really simple to prove that McKinleyville doesn’t exist. All you have to do is answer these three questions. Number one. Do you know anyone from McKinleyville? Two. Have you ever been to McKinleyville, California? And lastly, number three. Do you know anybody who has ever been to McKinleyville?”

The Fazzler reached out to the local community and asked them Mr. Wolford’s three questions.

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Loretta Splitair
Loretta Splitair
Loretta Splitair is Gish Gallop's Media and Cultural Editor. She has written widely including publications such as Rolling Stone, The Atlantic and the Lady's Home Journal where she hosts a regular column on the ravages of Billy Joel's music entitled, Billy Joel is a Piece of Shit. Loretta is married to her second husband after her first died protesting railway expansion in Kansas. Please do not ask her about it.

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