Realistic Bumper Stickers Make Local Man a Millionaire

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Grass Valley, CA — The former owner of a local printing business and the father of two very average children has decided to head back into the shop and create bumper stickers that most Americans can relate to: your children are average and occasional failures. And according to insiders in the bumper sticker business, this is a vast, untapped market.

“I was getting so sick of driving around seeing all the bumper stickers on others’ cars saying how smart their kids were,” said James Laster of Grass Valley. “And I thought, ‘Statistically speaking. There are many more ordinary people on Earth than exceptional ones.’ So that’s when the idea struck me: I’m gonna make bumper stickers for the rest of us.”

Mr. Laster calls his new business Realistic Slogans and will initially target parents with average, C-grade-level students. In the future, he plans to offer a service where people can create their own bumper stickers.

“Yeah, you know those minivans that have the 14 kids, the two parents, and a dog on the back,” continued Mr. Laster. “Well, I want to have more realistic versions of that. You know, with the kids fighting and the parents yelling at the kids to sit down and be quiet.”