Recently Paroled Unabomber Spotted at Area Best Buy

Ted Kaczynski, the former Unabomber, seen here browsing the selection of Microsoft Surface products at an area Best Buy.
Ted Kaczynski, the former Unabomber, seen here browsing the selection of Microsoft Surface products at an area Best Buy.

Auburn, CA — Convicted “Unabomber” Ted Kaczynski was spotted in an area Best Buy electronics store earlier this week shopping for a new laptop and mobile phone, according to several sources from the Auburn, California location. Until his recent parole, Mr. Kaczynski was incarcerated at the “supermax” Federal Prison in Florence, Colorado.

“So when he walked in, Loss Prevention immediately announced a code 38,” said Best Buy employee and Microsoft area expert Tim Savage speaking of one of the codes to alert store associates of an issue. “And I can see why. He was all dressed up like, you know, the Unabomber. He had a hoodie and sunglasses on. And he seemed very nervous. But I gotta tell you, after helping him out with his technology needs, he was quite pleasant.”

According to Mr. Savage, the former Unabomber asked all kinds of interesting questions.

“Well, he asked me about how good the Microsoft Surface was at ‘typing,'” continued the somewhat proud associate. “Which, I thought was a little weird. But like I said, he was very polite. And he has good taste. These Surface Pros are awesome. But it was the question about remotely operating them that was really weird, you know?”

Mr. Savage said that Kaczynski asked a serious of questions about whether he could remotely run the laptop with a mobile phone.

“I don’t know what he meant by that. I mean, I tried to explain some of the main features and benefits of the Surface, like its portability and power, but he didn’t seem interested or even understand what that meant. I told him it had an Intel processor inside, and that seemed to make him nervous for some reason.”

At this point in the conversation, Associate Savage left to ask his manager for help because he felt that Mr. Kaczynski was both confused and irritated.

“Tim came to me and told me he needed help with a customer, and of course that’s our top priority here at Best Buy,” said Auburn store manager Nick Prager speaking of the event later in the week. “I did my best to help Mr. Kaczynski find the right laptop for his needs, but it seemed like he had no interest any of the features. He just kept asking strange questions about remote control. He also did ask a few puzzling questions about whether the device could be tracked using the “Intel Inside” technology, but I assured him that was not the purpose of the microprocessor. He thanked me for my time and left the store. Nice guy, but a little odd.”

Later in the day, Mr. Kaczynski was spotted in a nearby Home Depot purchasing building supplies. Workers at the store said he seemed to be overwhelmed by the size of the store, but also added so are many of the regular customers.

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein
Randall 'fink' Finkelstein
Fink is a man of many words, and many web links. He likes to argue and seldom loses. Mostly because he’s well informed. And somewhat gassy.

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