School Lunch Not Eaten

This food will melt concrete
This food will melt concrete

This food will melt concrete

Nevada City, CA — Todd Thomas refused to eat his lunch on Tuesday, September 16th, 2014. “It was a crap lunch: dried out carrot and celery sticks, a melted ‘protein’ bar, almond butter and cane sugar ‘berry’ jam on gluten-free bread…barf-ola. I love Skippy peanut butter, but I have to sneak it in my underwear drawer, which I buy with my own allowance. My parents are totally stupid about what they want me to eat. I hate their food.”

Todd claims that it’s hard for him to find a friendly ear. “My friends get to eat Lunchablesâ„¢ while I have to eat this healthy junk all the time. My mom and dad don’t eat this garbage so why should I have to?”

Todd’s dad Craig doesn’t have much sympathy. “We’re trying to set a good example. Todd will get used to it eventually. He needs to eat healthy so he can be big and strong like his cousin Sammy. Sammy plays for the JV Muskrats, he’s a tight end. ‘Nuff said.”

Todd’s brother Kevin has his own take on the controversy. “I say starve the little jerk. Eat what’s served, this isn’t a restaurant. You don’t like it? Go get a job, move out, and you can eat whatever you want.” Unfortunately, Todd is only 10 years old and can’t be emancipated for at least another 6 years.

Glenda, Todd’s mom, had the last word. “Garbage in, garbage out, that’s how I was raised. If you eat right, go to bed early and get up before the sun, everything else will work out. I hate to see Todd after he’s eaten a lot of candy, he becomes a monster child. I almost want to lock him in his room until he calms down. But usually I give in and let him have just one more Snickersâ„¢. I don’t let Craig know, however.”

Randall 'fink' Finkelstein
Randall 'fink' Finkelstein
Fink is a man of many words, and many web links. He likes to argue and seldom loses. Mostly because he’s well informed. And somewhat gassy.

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